The Fear of Love — ProfessorViral
Themes of tragic love in anime
The Nature of Love and Relationships
Love is a complex and an inexplicable phenomenon that defies scientific explanation. It involves intense emotional bonds that are deeply rooted in our social nature and evolutionary responses. The purpose of life, from a biological perspective, is to continue the species through reproduction. Humans, like other living beings, have survival instincts that drive them to ensure the survival of their offspring. This innate drive for connection and continuation of the species forms the basis of our understanding of love and relationships.
Humans evolved to rely on the brain rather than the body, excelling in groups to compensate for physical limitations. Love, as an extreme form of bonding, is a natural outcome of this group reliance. However, modern society has shifted away from the need for close-knit groups for survival, leading to changes in the dynamics of love and social interactions. The rapid advancement of human civilization has outpaced the social evolutionary aspects, making love seem inexplicable in the context of our current lifestyle.
Benefits of Love
The benefits of love are mostly abstract and cannot be observed outright, only interpreted. Love makes us feel good and provides mental benefits, but its effects vary for each individual. Love involves caring for someone, giving time or money, and committing to them. Physical benefits stem from mental ones, and the interpretation of love differs for everyone.
The concept is exemplified by the character Violet Evergarden, a former child soldier under Major Gilbert Rogan Villa’s command. The character in the story was initially seen as a tool for killing, and is seen struggling to understand the concept of love when someone expresses it to her for the first time. Having never experienced love before, she is confused by the words ‘I love you’ as she has no frame of reference for it. The character’s past experiences of being a killer made it difficult for her to comprehend the meaning of love.
So when she becomes an ‘auto-memories doll’, someone who writes letters for others to express what they can’t, she witnesses many different forms of love. There’s the overbearing care of parents, the hopeful solitude of siblings, the romance of youth, the lasting love of a mourning father, and even more. Violet never claims to know what ‘I love you’ means, even though she hears it in different words from every one of these cases. And that’s exactly the reason. They’re all entirely unique situations, each one expressing a different take which falls under the umbrella of love. It is at once the tears of a sibling who can’t face their brother out of fear, and the anger of a father who can’t face that his daughter has passed away. It is at once a romance which is starting from words on paper, and one which is founded on the gentle feelings of an entire lifetime together. It is parents who are alive and distant from their daughter, and one soon to die who’s always been right there. When all of these forms may contradict each other, how could we ever define it? The answer is simply that we don’t. Violet eventually claims to understand what I love you means, however we never witness her definition and it seems she puts no more words to it herself. The answer is that there is no answer. We can only know by experiencing it.
Our quests may seem mundane, through home and friends and school and careers, we go through just as many stages and cases, picking up our idea of love along the way. Not one of us could describe exactly what they feel, and in no way could they ever use the perfect words to make someone else feel it in the exact same way. Love has reasons and logic, but it is also inexplicable.
We can fear it so much because it is everything. This isn’t helped by the fact that even though we escaped the physical reasons for evolutionary love, we still heavily focus on the physical in most of our societies. That extra capacity didn’t go to understanding the emotions which now fully constituted love, but rather shifted to new concrete means.
The advancements of modern science and technology are absolutely stunning, and fields of it like medical technology are developments no one can rightfully question. They are outright good. But for a number of factors, one of the ‘heaviest’ being monetary gain, understanding the logic of the world became much more beneficial than the emotions of those within it.
Many of you were probably raised under this mindset without even ever thinking about it. For me, accomplishments which could be tied to logical pursuits were the ones which were praised. The art project I brought home to design a building was met not with mention of the color or form, but simply if I could do that.
The Societal Emphasis on Logic Over Imagination
There could be dangers of an unchecked pursuit of science for power instead of love and morality.
The anime show Steins Gate, focuses on the character Okabe Rintaro and his involvement in creating a time machine. Okabe, although not a real scientist, shows knowledge in engineering and works with his friends on various gadgets. The story also mentions the character Mayuri Shina, who brings emotional balance to the group. There are themes of friendship, logic, and emotional connection amidst scientific pursuits.
The story revolves around Okabe and Mayuri, with Mayuri struggling with deep emotions after the loss of her grandmother. Okabe, unable to understand her emotions, takes a logical approach by pretending to be a mad scientist to hold her close. This contrasts Mayuri’s emotional state with Okabe’s logical solution to express love.
The narrative explores the challenge of organizing and expressing thoughts, as well as the difficulty of making others understand them. The idea of bypassing what one doesn’t understand is presented as a way to simplify communication and connection.
Kiyoma, another character, and unlike Okabe, has a defined role in interactions as the leader of the Future Gadget Laboratory. He provides direction and purpose to others, making interactions less ambiguous. There can be an anxiety of not knowing where one stands in relationships and how love fits in. Kiyoma’s structured interactions provide clarity and purpose, alleviating the uncertainty for overthinkers. His persona and actions create a positive and entertaining environment for his friends, offering them value and a sense of belonging. Kiyoma’s eccentric behavior serves as a distraction from life’s pressures, contrasting with the depression experienced by Mayuri. Okabe finds genuine value in the persona of Kiyoma despite knowing it is a falsehood. Kiyoma provides positivity to others and helps save them from negative feelings.
Okabe’s overthinking mixed with logic leads him to view interactions as exchanges. He believes people want good times and may not want to be around those who are always sad or lack energy. Okabe puts on an act with Kiyoma to cope with stress, only breaking down when faced with extreme emotional turmoil. Love may not be logical, but Okabe believes in being logical.
Exploring the Complexity of Love
There are struggles associated with understanding and experiencing love such as the impact of actions on relationships, perceptions of self-worth, and the potential for bullying. The story of Shouya and Shouko in ‘A Silent Voice’ is used to illustrate the challenges of finding value in oneself and others amidst difficult circumstances. The narrative delves into the consequences of actions, the role of logic in relationships, and the innate desire for love despite its unpredictable nature.
There is beauty and a quality to life-changing narratives even if those narratives are simply chemical responses in our brains triggering survival instincts. Our interpretation of ‘value’ in these experiences makes them inherently beautiful and worthwhile.
The story explores the themes of love, family, and self-worth through the experiences of characters Shoya and Shoko. Shoko struggles with feelings of worthlessness and being a burden on others despite experiencing love amidst hate. They experience challenges of communication, harsh treatment from others, and fractured family dynamics.
Shoya who questions his worthiness of love and struggles with feelings of guilt and inadequacy. He reflects on his past actions, the concept of atonement, and the idea of deserving love. Shoya contemplates whether he has paid enough for his mistakes to deserve love and questions if he is allowed to enjoy himself.
The protagonist goes out of his way to repair connections and improve the life of the person he cares about. Despite facing challenges and losing other friends, he prioritizes spending time with her. He endures harassment and helps others, even when faced with lies. Before contemplating leaving the world, he works hard to repay past wrongs. He believes in giving love but faces a dilemma when the person he loves can’t reciprocate. One poignant scene involves Shouko trying to communicate with Shouya using sign language. It is important to understand each other’s needs and feelings, and even if the feelings are not mutual.
An Empathetic Journey
The characters in the movie Trigun struggle with self-worth and miscommunication but eventually come to a deeper understanding of each other. The fear and value of love are emphasized, along with the idea that love requires loving oneself. Vash, the main character, from Trigun is described as a goof despite being a feared outlaw, and also with hidden abilities due to his non-human nature. Vash is a natural, “living source of energy” in a world where civilizations rely on him to power their cities. While essential for life on the planet, Vash’s power also makes him a danger, as he can unintentionally unleash destructive forces. Despite his ability to offer great benefits, Vash must live in solitude to prevent harm to others due to the risks associated with his powers.
Vash, a legendary outlaw worth 60 billion double dollars, unintentionally causes destruction due to the greed of others, but is blamed for it. Despite his empathetic nature and love for humans, Vash constantly moves to new places to help others and then leaves to avoid causing harm. He believes in the value of all life and sacrifices himself to save others, bearing physical scars as a result. Vash plays dumb to make his actions seem accidental, expressing his love for humanity in his own unique way, i.e., he dances into hostage situations, situations, or hangs around dangerous places to help those in need. He plays the villain they want him to be, once pretending to kill two star-crossed lovers hoping for escape so that they can do so in peace, away from their forced obligations, a stain forever on his name so that no one can know the truth.
Whatever he can do to his shoe credit to make his name even worse, he will do. He doesn’t want people to love him back, or to get attached, because if they knew how great he really was, how much he could do, and how much he helped, they’d want to keep him around. And that’s dangerous. If he didn’t have a bounty, they wouldn’t fear him or force him to run away. He needs to be seen as a fool to hate for the good of those he loves and sacrifices so much for. Most notably is Meryl. Over the course of the series her disdain for the goofy man drops for the exact reason he was afraid of. As she and Millie chase the ‘humanoid typhoon’ across the desert, she witnesses how kind and caring he can be, how much he loves and respects every life, and how hard he tries and how he does so. They get to see the real Vash, and Meryl falls in love with that, with a man who can never be seen as he is. It would be better if she kept hating him like she did at first, so when Vash knows how she feels, he disappears without a word as often as possible. The more reason she has to see him as a selfish asshole, the better. The second time his angel arm is forced to destroy a city, she was even right there, right in the thick of it because she was always around him.
Vash, with a longer lifespan than humans, avoided getting too attached to people due to the pain of watching them grow old and die. Despite the harsh world he lives in, he continues to love and uphold his ideals despite the pain it brings him. And when he is absolutely pushed, even when the man he is forced to kill is genuine evil, he cries. Love is often seen as terrifying because of how how much we can get hurt from it. But Trigun shows that there’s also hurting others, a fact which so often feels worse than hurting ourselves. We may not have hidden angel cannons in our arms, we may not cause chaos wherever we go, but we are dangerous like Vash. Maybe more so because of how subtle it feels until the very moment it hits. There is no big show of lights contained within a few moments, there’s only the chaos in our minds.
Emotions can be as powerful as a weapon. Human experiences are unique, and no two people are the same. Art forms like music, literature, and comedy are perceived differently by each individual due to their unique perspectives. Love, friendship, and romance can both enrich and complicate our lives. Trying to understand others, and the every changing nature of relationships, can lead to conflict and destruction. Love can be portrayed as a terrifying responsibility, as it involves reciprocation and the potential for unpredictable changes.
Recollection of a Long-Distance Relationship Moment
I remember a moment from five years ago when I was in a long-distance relationship during summer break. Despite the distance, I longed for physical connection and shared our desires and motivations with her. It was perfectly imperfect, with a mix of discomfort and bonding. As my partner left, I saw a look of shock on their face as a few words slipped out.
I reflected on the significance of saying ‘I love you’ and how it has been a routine phrase without much meaning in their life. I recall moments of emotional manipulation and abuse, particularly with my mother, and the lack of genuine expressions of love with my father. Despite the struggles, there are rare instances where I truly meant when I said ‘I love you’. It was a period of intense anxiety.
I remember a childhood experience of relying on teachers to choose friends for me due to changing classes every year. I felt anxious when called on in class and had limited interactions at home due to their parents’ divorce and mother working nights, resulting in thin connections.
The fact that I found someone and made an impression enough to start dating them was amazing and a testament to how powerful mutual interests can be. We were both in theater, the first school activity I’d ever done, and it gave us a lot of time together. I asked her out a couple times. The first time was only because word got around that I liked her because I told everyone and asked them what they thought, and then people said she already knew. So, I had to ask in that very high school way, and it led to a pretty clear rejection.
But a second try a few weeks later when I’d heard that maybe she was interested now, in a very high school way, and at something like 1am in an afterparty for one of our shows, we were a thing. Everything we knew of love we were learning together in those awkward interactions that followed, all the way to the first time she said I love you seven months in. The very same night, I was debating so hard whether or not I should say it. I was overjoyed.
I don’t think I’d ever felt so much relief in an instant. I immediately said it back, held her closer, and spent the rest of the night unable to wipe that smile off my face. And I imagine it was a lot like the one my partner would feel some five years later. And that’s what terrified me in that moment. I knew how good it felt. I knew how much simple words and gestures from one person could mean to another. A card from someone you don’t know is nice, but it sits there for a few days and then goes in the trash. But one from someone you love like that, it goes in the special box under the bed you keep for silly memories, knowing one day you’ll both look back on it and reminisce about the good old days that led you here together.
It’s knowing, but not knowing. That’s what I did with my high school girlfriend. Like I said, we were learning love from each other. We both had divorced parents who remarried but with shaky relationships even then, my mom would be divorced again only a few years later. I think about that a lot. I think, what if I’d been less resistant? What if I’d learned from my father’s mistakes and been kind to someone I was supposed to share a bond with? Maybe those two wouldn’t have had so much tension between them to divorce if I was a bit more kind. That’s just wishful thinking, though. Anyway, the point is that neither of us knew what it meant. So when it turned from puppy love honeymoon into tell me exactly where you are, leave your friends because I hate them, don’t sit too close to me or talk unless I say so, I just thought that’s what love was. You give everything to someone, so I guess losing everything wasn’t that big of a deal, it was just natural. We watched her movies and went with her friends and paid attention to her and her needs and with no frame of reference, emotional manipulation was just what love looked like. It was better than the fights my parents had which left holes in the doors, reminders I’d pass by every day saying, what you have must not be that bad then. I was convinced I’d marry someone who actively hated me.
I was deeply affected by my partner’s love and the fear of losing it. I struggled to communicate my feelings and resorted to self-harm as a way to express my pain. The relationship was marked by ups and downs, creating a rollercoaster of emotions until it ultimately ended. I experienced intense grief and learned the power of love to shape and shatter one’s identity.
That’s a big part of why it terrifies me even to this day. I’m weak. It can overcome everything I know in an instant. When I instinctively said I love you again for the first time since then, five years later in college, I couldn’t handle the feeling. Suddenly I had taken a responsibility that changed our relationship. I had to reciprocate to a high degree. I’d taken on the emotions of another out of the bad habits formed from my youth, ‘the instinctual I love you’. Now I couldn’t ignore that I was a huge part of her world. There was no more plausible deniability. No way I could act like it was no big deal. I knew that look because I’d felt that look.I knew the power I had and I didn’t want it. I was just living out some stupid movie fantasy of hot summer nights, content to be finding my way through however long a random college relationship would be, and now it was more. I never recognized it up until that point, and not even till after that point, but I was afraid of loving someone after high school and after being used as an “emotional outlet” for people with terrible partners. Many times since then, I think the switch flipped that moment when I stopped caring and just went for it when someone I was in love with reciprocated for one day and then backed out with a text the next.
I had a moment of realization while buying cough syrup with the intention to abuse it. It lead to a series of thoughts about my past experiences with divorced parents, emotional abuse, and a lack of self-worth. I struggled with the overwhelming love and dedication shown to me by someone who is willing to change my life. It caused me feelings of panic and unworthiness. I hesitated to end the relationship out of fear of negatively impacting that person’s future.
I always struggled with ending relationships, and I felt weak and unable to handle the pain of hurting others, the emotional turmoil of breaking someone’s heart, and the impact it had on them. This led me to sabotage relationships early on to avoid causing further pain by becoming distant and to avoid emotional attachment. I always had a fear of hurting others and my own emotional vulnerability.
Love has the power to both heal and hurt. It is both a source of joy and pain. But there is a fear associated with love but it is important to confront this fear. Despite the risks and challenges, love is a worthwhile and essential aspect of life that we must embrace.
