Feedback: The Hidden Ingredient of Success
“We do not learn from experience. We learn from reflecting on experience.”
John Dewey
Work hard, stay focused, be a good team player, deliver results, make an impact — and success will come. We’ve all been given this advice throughout our careers. But not all of us are as successful as we would like to be. I’ve rarely come across someone who doesn't “work hard”, nor do I know many people who are satisfied with what they have accomplished. So what sets apart people who do everything right from those who get everything right?
The answer, assuming you’re doing everything right that you have influence over — like your own work ethic, your communication skills, your skillset and your mindset — lies outside you. The answer lies in receiving feedback. Without feedback, you’re flying blind. You could be working harder than anyone else, but without feedback, you wouldn’t know if you’re pushing in the right direction or not. You might think you’re being an amazing team player, but your team might not think the same about you. You might over-deliver where you didn’t need to, and under-deliver where your career depended upon it.
When I reflect on my career journey, I can say with absolute certainty that feedback made a huge difference. I was lucky to be in the right place at the right time — several times — but so were others like me. I actively sought feedback, even when I knew there was a good chance I wouldn’t like what I’ll hear (especially then). I sought it from my managers, my peers, my collaborators, in skip-level meetings and from my direct reports.
I remember in one of the first teams I took over, some of my team members were shocked when I asked them for feedback on how I was doing — they were simply not used to it. But over time, we built a culture of honest and frequent feedback. It helped us all build stronger relationships and perform better as a team. To me, it felt like a natural thing to do — as Product Managers asking questions is our job, and soliciting feedback from our colleagues is not much different from doing the same with our users. It’s only looking back that I realized that not everyone did it, not everyone had the opportunity to benefit from it. And so I’d like to share what I’ve learned.
Asking for Feedback
Consider yourself the product, and the people you’re seeking feedback from your users, and let the conversation flow. A few principles that are important to keep in mind:
- Seek actively As I shared above, seek feedback at every opportunity, but seek it humbly. Keep your eyes and ears open, read between the lines. Sometimes people say things in informal settings (e.g. team dinners) which may turn out to be impactful. Follow up on those conversations when the time is right. But also be willing to accept that you will not always receive it. Sharing direct feedback requires a certain level of trust and understanding to be built up first. Always leave the door open for the other person to not answer, if they so choose.
- Listen with humility You’re not asking for the other person to confirm what you already know — in fact, you’re hoping they enrich your growth by telling you something you don’t. Don’t be defensive, and don’t try to draw out the discussion to a conclusion. Take it at face value, and then if needed reflect on it, and if possible, follow up on it.
- Seek frequently There’s a reason annual performance reviews are a thing of the past. People, projects, organizations and even industries change quickly, presenting new situations and new opportunities. Personally, I found that frequent, informal feedback — both seeking and giving — led to better results than infrequent, formal feedback.
- Seek from varied sources Ask as many people in as many different roles as you can. Without, of course, coming off as overly ambitious or self-centred. Avoid confirmation bias[1].
- Be prepared to give More often than not, the person you ask will ask for your feedback in return — even as a courtesy. Be prepared to share meaningful & succinct feedback.
Giving Feedback
I have narrowed giving feedback down to 3 frameworks and 2 superpowers that have worked for me. I’m still learning, I don’t always use the right one in the right situation and I don’t always get it right. But… I’m open to feedback ;)
The Frameworks
1. Situational Leadership
This is one of the fundamental (and now almost feels like one of the oldest) frameworks of leadership. It suggests which leadership style to use depending on the skill & motivation of the person you’re working with. It was published by Ken Blanchard & Paul Hersey, and you can read more about it here[2].
Use this when the stakes are high, timelines to get things done are well-defined and relationship-building is important. For example, when taking over a new team.
2. Radical Candour
I’ve seen the introduction of radical candour pull one of the large companies I worked out of its bureaucratic past into its innovative present, within a year. It was introduced in a book by Kim Scott, and you can read more about it here[3].
While some situations are better suited to it than others, it can be used anywhere and with anyone, especially if they are bought into the idea of embracing it. It’s especially helpful for rapid feedback and for handling tricky topics (like HR complaints). Pro tip: I asked my team members to use it to give me feedback on how I give them feedback.
3. The GROW Model
GROW works better with experienced & senior people, and is probably the best suited if you’re a manager of managers. It comes from Google’s stable and you can learn more about it here[4].
It works best for ongoing one-on-one conversations, and in my experience does require you to have a good rapport with the individual you are using it with. It can easily be misunderstood, especially by people who are used to working with a more directive leadership style. But it is a really powerful tool to build lasting impact.
The Superpowers
1. Crucial Conversations
If you find yourself managing up, managing difficult situations or navigating tough conversations often, read this book[5]. It will help you hone one of the most crucial skills of a Product Leader: empathy. If you see someone masterfully handle what you thought was an impossible situation, you’re likely seeing the learnings from this book being put into practice. In fact, that’s how I discovered it!
2. Humble Inquiry
I was fortuitously introduced to this book at a time when I was looking for a way to be less directive and more of a “coach”, but the stakes were high and I did not have the luxury of time. It’s a deep journey into human (and team) psychology, and I need to revisit it a few times to be able to say I have absorbed it. But it’s a mature framework for leaders who are looking to bring the best out of their teams, colleagues and organizations. Read the book[6] or watch this summary Prezi[7].
Conclusion
I genuinely believe feedback is one the most, if not the most, important factor that sets high performers apart from hard workers. This is equally applicable to individuals and teams.
I hope that you will find some of what I’ve learned useful & valuable. I’d love to hear what’s worked for you, and of course, you’re feedback on what I’ve shared above :) Please leave a comment below, or connect with me on Twitter (while it’s still a thing) or on LinkedIn. Thanks for reading and pay it forward!
Dive Deeper
- Confirmation Bias, article on VeryWellMind
- Situational Leadership, article on leadershipsuccess.co
- Radical Candour website
- GROW model at Google’s re:work
- Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler
- Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking instead of Telling, by Edgar H. Schein & Peter A. Schein
- Humble Inquiry book summary on Prezi.com
