15 Things You Should Stop Apologising For, Starting Now
Originally published at lmt-lss.com on July 9, 2015.
Most of us apologise often. It’s like an automatic response installed through years of experience with other people, and communicated at the tip of a hat. Even when we haven’t actually done anything wrong or hurt someone.
While this habit might seem benign, it isn’t. Because more often than not you’re apologising for who you are. Should you?
1. Putting yourself first.
You have things to do, desires to fulfil, and dreams to achieve. Why squander these because people aren’t okay with it?
Stand up for yourself, protect your interests, and don’t apologise for it.
2. Refusing to do as told.
You don’t have to take orders from people. It’s your life — you decide who to listen to and who to put on the waiting list.
If you’re going to do as someone says, make sure that that someone knows you very well and understands your needs. That way you can trust them to guide you.
3. Putting family before work.
You love and care for your family so much that you make your professional choices with them in mind. And that’s great. Don’t let anyone second guess you by saying things like “this is the time to earn, not to be with your family.” That’s baloney.
4. To not marry in your twenty’s (or ever).
It doesn’t matter if you’re 25, 27 or 29. You don’t have to get married just because it’s supposed to be “the age for marriage.” And if you think you shouldn’t marry at all, don’t. Many great men and women have decided against marriage and led extremely fulfilled personal lives. So it’s your choice at the end of it.
5. Your sexual preference.
Same sex, opposite sex, any sex. You decide who to be with. Don’t get bound by someone else’s stuck-up ideas. Follow your heart in this regard, even if it makes you unpopular.
6. Being passionate.
Your passion may be hard for some to keep up with. But don’t stop being passionate because of that, just accommodate them. You’re passionate because you want to be — why should someone’s dislike for your passion deter you?
7. Choosing a unique career.
It’s alright if you don’t want to be an engineer, doctor, lawyer, or whatever else people around you are becoming. Find out what makes your heart sing and make that your profession.
8. Asking someone for help.
You can’t get by in this life on your own. You’re going to need as many hands as you can to surpass challenges. So ask for help. Don’t let your ego hinder your progress.
9. Expressing your emotions.
When you’re upset, angry, or ecstatic with someone, express it. That bottle in which you’ve been stuffing your emotions will explode sooner or later, and cause more destruction than you can imagine, both for you and for the people you love.
10. Taking time off.
Everyone needs a break every now and then. So don’t feel guilty for taking some time off. When taken at the right time, it can help charge you back up and keep you strong and motivated for the times ahead.
11. Not knowing.
Most people judge you by what you know and what you don’t. Ignore this judgment, and profess ignorance when you don’t know. You’ll feel liberated from having to put on a know-all face.
12. Believing in a person or idea.
Your belief in a person or idea is yours. You believe because you see a connection there. It’s real. Don’t doubt yourself when others don’t have that same connection with your object of belief.
13. Ending a relationship.
Not every relationship deserves to last. End an abusive or a toxic relationship as quickly as you can, so that you save yourself and your partner years of hurt and anger.
14. Your limitations.
Accept your limitations. Own them. Don’t think of them as parts of you that pull you down, but parts of you that make you who you are.
15. Saying no.
Most people avoid saying no because they run the risk of being unpopular. Get out of this trap of being liked. You have your own needs and wants, and people are going to have to accept it. Say no when you mean it, and stand by it.