To My Dear Liberal Friends
Sometimes you can be downright obnoxious.
Dear liberal friends, please change the way you treat people who disagree with you.
From watching the impact you leave in your wake it appears you frequently add more separation in the collective conversation than unity.
You’re condescending, righteous, and superior. You have no compassion for fears and struggles of identity that clash with your own. You have no patience for swaths of totally human defensiveness and ignorance that show up as “bigotry” “xenophobia” and other social discord. You meet these social violences with equal but pretentiously superior violence. And you do all this while identifying as being one of the “good guys” who is representing tolerance and inclusivity. As far as understanding the mindset of your enemy, you’re not winning.
This incongruence is exactly what I see doing the harm.
I’m writing this today because I’m sick of trying to reach the hearts of people with differing beliefs than me only to be met with experience based anger and defensiveness left by former encounters with “liberals” that the internet is only too happy to latch on to. I spend A LOT of time trying to reach conservatives with very little success because, to begin with, everything in my modern life is designed to connect me with who and what is already like me. So today I’m turning towards my fellow choir members instead- the people I agree with on social beliefs, but not necessarily on social conduct.
If you’re identifying as an all loving, inclusive, tolerant, understanding being then fucking live that. Live that not just for the people you champion, but for the people you don’t understand.
No, this doesn’t mean coddle the lashing out. It doesn’t mean anger or disgust or whatever you’re feeling isn’t completely understandable. It means don’t be an asshole because you feel justified to be an angel, an ally, or a Kali.
There are no “good” and “bad” people. Stop trying to divide the world as if there are in order to feel good about yourself.
I could make a list of all the phrases that get thrown around from both “sides”. If I scroll down a Twitter thread after a couple of responses I can’t tell the difference between a Liberal and a Conservative. “You’re so ignorant!” and “They’re so divisive and hateful!” and, “Too bad (liberals/conservatives) don’t know how to think for themselves! What a bunch of sheep!” The divide is definite and yet each side totally indistinguishable.
I don’t care what position you’re holding, if you’re wearing the mantle of Truth and Compassion you don’t just wear it for who you agree with. The medicine the world needs is actually for you to do the yoga of showing up that way for the people you don’t understand. The ones who horrify you.
And if you can feel yourself right now villainizing me, wanting to explain how right you are, wanting to school me about false equivalencies or oppression*… then check yourself. You’re feeding the exact same wolf as them. Liberals are generally living a, “Do as I scream at you, not as I do” example. You’re soiling the very concept of tolerance with your hypocrisy.
See what YOU can do to eradicate the “them”. Notice where it’s more important to your ego to fly your own flag than to listen to that MAGA hat wearing human. It doesn’t matter how “right” you are in your beliefs, you’re adding bricks to the wall of separation. You may be a warrior for the oppressed but your true message is getting lost in the scuffle of clever social media burns and ally merit badges*.
Just as “forgiveness” doesn’t mean “condoning”, listening doesn’t mean agreeing or supporting. It’s simply a path to understanding..and potential healing. Listen from the equanimous recognition that we’re all humans, trying to get our needs met. No one wants to be a “bad person”. We’re all scared and wanting to belong. It’s the same as your own unconscious internal parts- The more you set out to shut them up, the more they will fight to feel heard. They can’t relax until they know you see the fire they absolutely see. They can not trust you until they know their fire is being addressed. Then perhaps you can find other methods of putting it out together.
Come on… “Be the change you want to see in the world”! I reference that overused trope which Ghandi didn’t actually say. What he said was far more nuanced and empowering:
If you want integrity and your want compassion then you don’t offer those things only where you see they already exist, you are them. You don’t reflect and amplify the divide, you speak to the oneness of the struggle from the love that you are.
With love,
Lisa
Update: Yes, I’m making generalizations. Yes, I believe allies are crucial. Yes, I support people in speaking up for themselves and eachother. No, I’m not telling people what to do, just to be real about their impact. No, I can’t even begin to list all the disclaimers I’m afraid I’d need to make to not offend people with this essay. Yes, I hope we can all see beyond the offense to a common heart felt vision.
