I can control this

I don’t think I have an intuitive grasp of understanding and connecting with people. Or at the very least, I think it can be substantially improved.

I’m an UX designer — and having empathy with users, being able to see the world through their eyes, determines how successful I am at my job. But this is not what I give a shit about. I just want to be better connected as a human. Benefits to the job is strictly secondary.

There could be many reasons for awkwardness, and I understand genetics play a defining part of sculpting one’s personality, and this is something I cannot control. But I can focus on what I can control and improve upon that.

I believe I am too concerned about how others perceive me, and I can control this.

I believe I devalue my own opinions in the face of more experienced, higher status people, and I can control this.

I believe I tie my confidence to my possessions and accomplishments, whereas it should come from within myself, regardless of extrinsic factors, and I can control this.

I believe I have a tendency to protect myself from social pain, that I have a loss-aversion attitude in this realm, and I can control this.

I believe I have a tendency to coast when things are “good enough”, whereas I should push the gas, and I can control this.

Now that this is out, I need to implement a system to keep myself on track. On 3/15/2015, I want look back on the child who wrote this with disbelief at his naivety. And I can control this.