The origins of romantic jealousy
I read question on Quora where this one dude asked if his overbearing girlfriend — who gets upset and stops him if he happens to be watching a TV show with women in bikinis— is normal. This made me ponder the origins of jealousy. Why do people get jealous?? It’s an interesting question, because it’s an universal trait!
To answer this question, we have think about where we evolved and how we lived. Anatomically modern humans have been around as far back as 200,000 years, so let’s take it back to the paleolithic.
Back then, we lived in nomadic bands of 20–50 humans. In an area the size of San Francisco, there might be 1–2 bands. So imagine you were a paleo human and you find your mate flirting with someone else. Objectively speaking, there’s a chance your reproductive fitness is about to take a dramatic plunge, because if he/she abandons you, there might be just 2–3 other suitable mates in the area. You must feel pretty bad — and you SHOULD — because your lineage might end! This feeling causes you feel possessive and mate guard, which in most instances mean intimidation towards your mate or the rival, or overt displays of attractiveness or resources.
Based on evolutionary theory, humans who felt jealous tended to have more children, that trait was passed down… and now it’s shared across all human cultures. In fact, primates of all sorts display some sort of mate guarding, so jealously is likely an ancient behavior that precedes modern humans. This makes a lot of sense, as it’s a great tactic to extend your lineage when your reproductive fitness is under threat.
But it’s not necessarily useful today. With our population density and technology, we have access to millions to suitable mates. So there is no *logical* reason to feel jealous. And yet we do anyways…
So, is feeling jealous normal? How much of it is healthy?
It’s hard to say, but let me draw a comparison: Jealousy is similar to our intense craving for sugar as they are both ancient vestiges and universal traits.
Sugar was once a rare resource found only in fruits and provided us with essential calories and nutrients to survive (and mate). Paleo humans LOVED it and SO DO WE. We have an abundance of sugar today, and it’s still necessary for our survival, so it’s perfectly healthy to consume it. But it’s easy to have too much, which is why obesity and diabetics is a problem today.
Likewise, there is an abundance of mates at our disposal — we can ALL (mostly) extend our lineage if we want to. EVERYONE (in 1st world countries without certain physical or genetic defects) has 100% reproductive fitness. Therefore, there is no logical reason to feel jealous as just there is no logical reason to consume more sugar than you need/your body can healthily store.
In that light, I would say that jealousy is like a freshly baked batch of rich, indulgent, chocolate chip cookies — go ahead and have a little…. but just a little.
So back to the question on Quora: No, that dude’s girlfriend ate too many damn cookies.
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Project 365
