In the past I have struggled with uncontrolled eating.
In the worst of it I was buying and eating food that I new I did not want and did not need. I would not be able to stop myself from turning into a fast food place, or to put down the junk food when I was at the supermarket. I would go home or hide in my car and eat till I felt sick, and usually end up throwing half of what I bought into the bin.
I was scared of anyone seeing me and I was so embarrassed to be doing it. I feel that it came from my issues with depression and anxiety and the more I did it, the worse i felt, and the more I did it.
I felt very alone through this time. My partner was amazing, losing weight and just being generally amazing, and no one else in my family seemed to struggle with their weight. While I knew that they loved me and would have done their best to help me through it, I could not bring myself to talk about it.
Growing up I saw so much on restrictive eating disorders and bulimia, and every reference of someone overeating was laughable and gross. “Oh that’s just a fat person being a disgusting and a waste of space’. One that really impacted me and made me question why the hell over eating was not treated as a psychological issue was a Family Guy sketch “Doctor Cures Bulimia” . I know it was supposed to be funny but it just made me feel disgusting and that there was something wrong with me.
That was a number of years ago and since then I have found many people talking about it. It made me feel less alone and that it was something that I could change. A couple YouTubers really made a difference for me, Fat vs Fire and Obese to Beast really helped me get a handle on what I was going through and how to push my way past it.
These are the points that really stuck and helped me stop.
- Be around people.
- Avoid the situation, remove the temptation.
- Don’t use exercise to push yourself for it.
- You need to feed your body the right things.
- Don’t counteract by over restricting.
- Push yourself to do good things for your body and your mind.
Working these points in to my day to day life has helped me stop, what really put an end to it was when my partner and I moved in together and started sharing money. I refused to have him support the addiction I had formed.
I am sad to think that it was not for the love of myself that I stopped binging, but more than anything I am happy that Ihave stopped.
It has been a long time since I have eaten like that and I am happier, healthier, more confident and more in control of my life and myself.
I am proud of the progress I have made, and I know that its a long and slow process, and while it once seemed unreachable I know i will move past it completely.
I wrote this article for a series my partner and I are doing called: Prompt of the Week.
Each week we draw a prompt out of our jar and write an article about it. We read each other’s article then record a podcast discussing our thoughts.
This weeks prompt was EATING DISORDERS.
Click the link to see my partner’s take on this prompt!