All the ways I could die!

Confession of my anxiety.

Photo by Sammy Williams on Unsplash

Anxiety is the best friend to those who can not just stop thinking. Allow me to tell you, that it is because of my anxiety, that every single thing I do, every breath that I take today, every day that goes by without me being sick …or ill or …dead, I’m grateful for it.

My brain being the obnoxiously overworking, unstoppable bringer of a series of thoughts and ways that I could die, used to make me fearful in the beginning.

How did it use to scare me?

Take an example of a simple fever. Yes, people fall sick and they get better. But what if? What if,

• When I am suffering from fever, it doesn’t respond to any medication?
• What if my stomach just stops digesting and everything, even the medicine won’t be able to move ahead to get absorbed.
• What if it’s not just plain fever?
• What if it is some serious, grieve, dangerous disease, from which my body is trying to alert me to notice and it is still untreated because I’m just taking paracetamol for fever?

Things do not stop here… Ah! there’s more. Endless possibilities to die.

• What if I meet a car accident?
• What if I meet a train accident?
• Even worse, what if I slip on a platform under a train and one of my limbs gets chopped off?
• What if a tree falls on me and I die?

You might think that’s enough ways I could die or we all could die… but there’s more. Don’t you forget the natural calamities!

• What if there comes an earthquake, this roof falls on my head and I die instantly or slowly?
• What if a sudden Tsunami strikes my whole state, I drown and die?
• What if the tectonic plates shift again because it’s been ages since they last shifted and the whole country gets destroyed?
• What about a meteoroid hit? Extinction like dinosaurs?
• What if the earth bursts open from its core and we all fall down deep into the melting lava?
• What if the ozone degradation intensifies and we all get unimaginable and untreatable skin diseases because of the Ultra Violet rays?

These all things might sound stupid to some. Let’s face it, all of this is not going to happen to someone and this is just straight overthinking.

But you just don’t know how the brain tricks into believing. Like,

• everything is possible,
• Never say never,
• you can’t deny the probability of things happening, can you?

Don’t you agree now?

Anxiety takes many shapes, it makes several faces to scare me. Here’s one such article where the people around me dig back my anxiety.

Tu Toxicity, Es Mi Toxicity

The brain finds new and absurd ways to freak me out on everything. It used to tell me that I could die today or right now. The good news is, I got over it!

I and my brain have come to an agreement. I started reasoning with my brain. I told it that all of this did not happen today, right? I am happy, healthy, and alive at this very moment. It is all that my karma will decide what happens to me and the rest I leave to God.

My brain has also accepted these reasons and now, every time such thought arises in my brain… I’m grateful for this moment. Even if I fall sick or ill or even in a dark phase of life, I’ve learned to accept it as a part of life. I’m thankful to God. Nothing happens without a reason.

I know I’m late now to say this but I am so grateful for life every day. I can see and I can breathe comfortably, I can walk, I am working for my goals, I’ve spent beautiful times and made many beautiful memories. I’m just happy to be alive.

I’m simply, deeply, and humbly appreciative of life!

Thanks to Ravyne Hawke for the monthly prompt of November “with a grateful heart”.

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