Eyes Within Eyes
I used to have four eyes. I still have four, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
The flaws in my body
For the first time, I finally could see
I finally could love them
As a mother loves her firstborn
My eyes are seeing
My eyes are breathing
The fire in the blue
The sharpness of the green
The waves are kinder
The grass is sharper
Cutting through the mirage
Splitting the noonday sun in half
The trees heave? That I did not know
My mother’s face is dotted
With tiny constellations
That I did not know!
I have seen but fog most of my life
Faces used to merge and wilt
A plastic bag of waste
Took the shape of a person once
Standing like a villain in the distance
Now I see what you see
A plastic bag is only a plastic bag
Fog, when I see it, I know it isn’t from within
Fog on wintery days is just fog
For these eyes I am thankful
For my dad’s sacrifice, I am grateful
My old faded world has faded
My eyes are seeing
At last, I am seeing
The pain and the tears
The cold sweat and the knot in my throat
When the teacher asked to read
What’s on the board
When friends called me “bat eyes”
And I mirthfully laughed
When I could not recognize my friends
On the streets and even in seats so close
When I stumbled and fell, and I could not swim
When as a kid, anxious, scared
That I might lose sight of my parents
“Mom, please do not go too far”
“You know I cannot find you,” I would say
They knew my eyes were prison
Confined by the nearest distance
“Do not be afraid, go swim and here I will stay”
She said and indeed she did
I had four eyes, now I have four, still
For these eyes I am grateful
Eyes within eyes, I call them
And for them I am grateful
Now I can read the signs on the streets
I can run, I can swim alone
I can see your face
And when I see you, I will smile at you
“You passed by me and you ignored me!”
Friends used to say
“Oh, I did not see you. You know I have bat eyes!”
I would say and they would understand
Close friends would find me, though
“You do not have to look, or look for me!”
My friend said once and she found me more than once
For these eyes I am grateful
My old faded world has faded
Now my eyes are seeing and breathing
For my dad’s sacrifice, for my mom’s patience
For my friends’ loyalty
I am thankful
For these eyes I am grateful
I say to them:
— Be not afraid, I will love you
I will cherish you from this day
Until the last day
In 2017, aged 21, I had an implantable Collamer Lens (ICL) surgery to treat my nearsightedness and astigmatism. ICLs are artificial lenses that are permanently implanted in the eye, so now I literally have four eyes. Since birth, I have had many eye health problems, including retinal tears, dry eye syndrome, and the ones I mentioned above. Glasses, as thick as they were, were not doing much to help me.
My family was still recovering from financial problems when they paid for my surgery, but they chose to make one more sacrifice, among many others that came after, to bring light into my life.
That surgery changed my life forever. When I opened my eyes for the first time after, I could not contain my joy and my tears. My mom’s face was dotted with the smallest moles that I fell in love with instantly. The grass was greener, and my friends looked even more beautiful than before (though I joked about how ‘ugly’ they looked, and it was the first laughter we shared after the surgery!).
Today I am more grateful, more confident, and more in love with colors and nature than ever before!
Thank You For Reading🌼
