Going Against All the Voices
Fighting self-doubt and expectations is a brave act
When my brother was 17, he was offered a prestigious scholarship to college. It would be a full ride, and he would graduate as an engineer. It was a proud moment for our family, and also for my small hometown, which wasn’t known for producing academic virtuosos. There was no question that this was a great opportunity and that he would make the most of it. So he flew 90,000 miles across international boundaries to begin life as a college freshman.
One year later, he flew back home without completing his degree.
Against my advice, my parents’ wishes, societal expectations of filial piety and professional success, and all of the expectations of his friends and former teachers, my brother chose to leave because he wasn’t living life in a way that fulfilled him. It could not have been any easier to face up to the self-questioning and doubt preceding and following his decision. Yet, he found his path and made his own way.
Living a full life is a brave act. It is brave to show up every day. It is brave to make and hold on to the tiny decisions that nudge life into the shape that we want, especially when everybody else keeps telling you what you should want, or your incessantly doubting mind calls you an impostor.
I am not brave. When one part of my mind says, “Let’s bake her a birthday cake,” I slink away and say, You don’t know how to bake a good cake — she won’t like it. When someone says, “That movie was soooo dumb!” I nod and think, Don’t rock the boat; they’ll think you’re dumb too, even if I secretly enjoyed the movie. I have my work cut out for me, but thanks to my brother, I know what brave is.
