His Sister’s Shadow
A mother’s fault
There are very few things more awful to a mother than having to watch their child suffer.
One of those is having to raise one child without the other and the tears that child fights when he talks about the sibling he just wants to remember.
Or the pain in his eyes when he pretends he is an only child.
There are no words for the way the knife feels going into my heart, when he says he doesn’t tell his friends he even has a sister because he can’t explain to them why they’ve never seen her.
I watch the shadow of her memory take over his heart, it’s buried his feelings for fear of getting hurt.
He now equates love with loss.
It’s my fault.
A 7-year-old robbed of being a big brother.
The one who’s supposed to be his best friend just taken, his feelings unconsidered.
He blames himself, as if it was his job to protect her.
God, if they could hear how he talks about her, all the questions he has, his what if scenarios for when he sees her one day!
The shame that floods me when he asks, when am I going to see Lue-bee-doo again?
Her shadow even looms in his day dreams, just waiting for the day that she is no longer just a memory.
I’m trying baby, mommy’s trying her best.
Her shadow is always, always in the back of my head. The subconscious reason I keep getting out of bed.
For now we must deal with the shadow her absence casts, but one day son, one day I promise we’ll get her back.
Thank you Christine Graves for this prompt. It was the perfect prompt to break my writer’s block! I rarely share about my children. It just brings a lot of guilt and helplessness, but it is nice to be able to share this with all of you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I honestly don’t know what I would do without this publication so thank you also Ravyne Hawke
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Thank you so much for all your support!!
