How one Lone Palm can be a Symbol of both Mystery and Self-doubt
Self Doubt can awaken greater truths and capacities within us, a Promptly Written Essay
Self doubt, and doubt in general is an important nutrient for growth.
Self doubt can enlighten our being about how others may view us.
Self doubt can also be a reflective meta-capacity in terms of how we have internalized or made war or peace with such views, and how ‘far along’ we might be on some journey or another.
Inevitably, self doubt is something that society foists onto us, and then, unknowingly or unconsciously, we often foist it onto ourselves, with little prompting.
The Buddhists and spiritual gurus then advise us: use self doubt not as an adversary, but for information about yourself, and as a friend. We are also counseled that this takes patience and time, and many triggers and practice over decades to improve upon ~ and yet, it is worth it.
Doubt and self doubt are similar but not the same, yet both doubt and self doubt are absolutely essential for a decent life.
If we never doubt ourselves, we cannot test our own hypothesis of anything, for there is nothing to compare it to.
For example, sometimes I think I understand something, and someone else’s point of view will change my theory entirely. This might cause a mental shakeup, but because I am trying to understand myself and others, I learn more than I might have ever expected. But first, I have self-doubt.
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Self-doubt can be intense as we embark on things we are not naturally comfortable with, and yet, if we never become hormetic beings (beings who stretch our comfort zones with hormesis, not hermits, though I take no offense at these either), we can never become resilient in any capacity or grow in any vocation or pursuit.
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So ultimately, self doubt is a great teacher.
It provides feedback so we can adjust and recalibrate on the road of life, or on any road.
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Self doubt has also reminded me that life is mysterious, and that often I am correct about things I have doubts about ~ and I am also equally mistaken at other times. So, ultimately, self doubt can be a friend, as long as it’s not debilitating, which for many at different times, it can be. It can remind us to regard our own instincts with greater dignity because they have been proven over time. This is one benefit of aging/maturing. And still, I have self-doubt.
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There is a Palm plant in my kitchen that reminds me of Tropical Places I Enjoy.
I have no idea where it came from, if someone gave it to me, or if I purchased it or obtained this pretty palm plant myself. It is beautiful and friendly ~ and has been with me for over a decade. It climbs to the ceiling and is trying to break through, but it’s an actual ceiling. It can’t break through, and just fans out gracefully along this upper wall. It has lovely two-toned leaves that remind me of Edward Hopper. I had to fasten it with zip ties from grocery items to lend it some support, since it basically needs to be replanted and is purely vertical in its total orientation.
I love this plant for no particular reason ~ just that it is friendly and has been with me a long time. I don’t know exactly where it comes from, but it has a purpose. And I’m glad it’s been here with me for it is friendly and is dignified, and I like presences like that, be they fauna or flora or artwork or human.
Perhaps that’s what we need to do with our self doubt ~ we can learn to recognize it’s there for a reason ~ to remind us of wounds that need tending, danger in life out and about or some other types; it reminds us of people we know and love who have a limited view of themselves, and of us, and that we do as well. It reminds us of our potential, and the positive or negative potential of others or ourselves, or how we might improve something if we would like to, or need to.
Self doubt is like who we are as a lonely Palm; it’s reminding us that we have the potential to outgrow our limiting little pots, but there is risk in the replanting. Yet there are things we all need to work on, and self doubt embodies that societal chorus within and without.
It’s also a mystery how we might become friends with our doubt, our anger, our fear, and our society ~ yet these qualities are here with us, as they have always been, and they serve a purpose.
Thanks to Ravyne Hawke and Cendrine Marrouat for providing this compassionate writing prompt.
