I am a not-good-enoughist!
And it’s holding me back.
A few days ago, I got an opportunity to tick off a career milestone. Anyone in her right mind would have jumped at this opportunity, but I was quite a bit hesitant. Saying yes to this offer would mean putting myself out there and letting others assess my work. Even thinking about this made my stomach drop. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this. What if I wasn’t good enough? What if I failed to live up to people’s expectations? What if I didn’t live up to MY expectation?
It was not the first time that I was reluctant to grab an opportunity to advance my career. I almost didn’t show up for an interview that was to get me into the University of my choice because I was afraid of falling short. Another time I was about to turn down a job opportunity because I thought I didn’t have it in me. Once I couldn’t sleep at night when someone I looked up to wanted to see my work because I was worried that the feedback would be terrible. I’ve let this fear of not being good enough hold me back many times over.
I am a perfectionist. It doesn’t mean I am perfect. Well, I am not even close. What it means is that even my best is not good enough for me.
It means that I hold myself to an impossibly high standard, and at times I am afraid of even trying because I fear falling short of that impossibly high standard.
It means that I procrastinate before starting anything new. Not because I know I can pull it off in a short time, but because I am afraid that the results would be mediocre. I procrastinate because I know that I can’t fail if I don’t begin.
I have thousands of abandoned projects that will never see the light of the day because — you guessed it — I don’t think they’re good enough.
I pass up a lot of opportunities because I am scared of putting myself out there. I am afraid of sharing my work with the world because I don’t want people to find out that I’m not good enough.
But what if I stopped equating ‘perfect’ with ‘good enough’? I am not perfect; no one is. But is it really true that I’m not good enough? What if I’ve developed this self-limiting belief because I don’t want to step out of my comfort zone?
What if I AM good enough? Because I did show up for the interview and got into the University of my choice. I did take up the job and got a raise right away because the team liked my work. I did send my work to the person I admire, and the feedback was better than I expected. And after a lot of insistence, I finally said yes to the career milestone. I did well and got an excellent response from everyone involved. I proudly ticked off my goal and made a promise to myself to stop seeking perfection and learn to be okay with good enough.
