Lending a Hand
A Grateful Heart, Day 17
One of my erstwhile students came to me a couple of weeks ago telling me that she wanted to talk to me and that she didn’t know who to go to. She met me and we spoke. It was a conversation that lasted for four hours and seven minutes.
She is in a place where I don’t want anyone to be.
All offers of getting her to unburden her woes to more qualified people resulted in vehement denial and intense anxiety. I spent quite some time with her, doing the best I can: and I sincerely hope and pray that I have been able to help the child.
Since what she spoke to is confidential, I cannot mention the details of her predicament. But I know from long association with both students and older people, that it is a situation that many of us find ourselves in, unfortunately.
The only fail-safe advice that I was able to give her was, watch out for the signs.
The first sign to watch out for, is, of course, narcissism and intense, overweening arrogance and a refusal to change, no matter what. This also manifests itself as being possessive and proprietorial. It feels good initially, to think that someone who loves you is so fond of you, that they don’t want you to be anywhere else than with him/her. The second, and more sinister sign, which can be both cause and effect, is that you begin to submit to that kind of draconian pride and tyranny. This is the proof that you are enslaving yourself to a superior will, and that you are losing your own self-respect in a relationship, in which you are not respected.
Very soon, this ‘relationship’ will resemble a master-slave equation, when your entire waking life is solely devoted to making someone happy and you are terrified of making your ‘partner’ angry because of a wrong move, or even a wrong thought. It becomes very difficult to extricate yourself from such a position, then, because your mind is so battered and numb, that like a caged bird refusing to fly, even when given its liberty, you might find it easier to stay, than leave.
If you can, talk to people who you think will not judge you. It is not ‘your fault’ when something like this happens. You are not alone. Please don’t live with the feeling of guilt And whenever you feel you are ready, please seek qualified professional help.
The girl is in a much better space now. She has torn herself away from the relationship she was in, and with the help of therapy, she is learning to let go, be happy with herself, and begin the long road to trusting herself, her choices…and other people. We keep in touch and she is always in my prayers.
And I was the first person she informed when she felt that she was ready to move on, and had found someone who would value her as a person, not an acquisition.
And there’s an endless sense of gratitude in my heart, that I was able to lend a hand when someone needed it the most.
Take care.
Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay free.
Stay connected.
Reach out. Lend a hand.
©️ 2021 Suma Narayan. All Rights Reserved.
Today is the 17th Day of my Gratitude Calendar. It is a response to Ravyne Hawke’s monthly prompt for her delightful publication, Promptly Written. A huge thank you to all the people who have cheered me on and kept me going, with your observations, comments, and feedback.
