Morning Angst — My Daily Wakeup Call
I want real hugs and kisses, not air hugs and emojis.
I wake up feeling angst, dread, and with a mind full of questions…Where am I going, what am I doing, what do I want to do, what next ??????? It seems that one day rolls into another and poof the year is gone.
Are we seriously in 2022 and the news headlines are still about covid and its variants?!?! I try to seize the day and have the mindset of “every day is an opportunity to start fresh. Just put one foot in front of the other and step by step you will get there.” The problem is I have no idea where I am going.
My birthday is in February, a month colder than cold in NY but I don’t associate my birthday with cold and snow. I was born in Buenos Aires, Argentina and it’s super hot and humid in February. Most of my birthdays were during the coldest of winter days and snowstorms but I was born in the summer. Is that where angst begins?
I feel strong ties to the people and customs in Argentina and my heart skips a beat when I hear someone talking Castellano. I have lived most of my life in New York yet a part of me is still in Buenos Aires. I love and am beyond grateful to live in the US. I am proud to know the US National Anthem by heart and the Pledge of Allegiance.
I love peanut butter and jelly yet I long for a cortado (espresso with a dash of milk) and a medialuna (croissant) in the neighborhood cafeteria and hear “dale, tomamos un cafecito” (“come on, let’s have a coffee) that turns into hours of conversation that heal and bring calm and a smile to my face. I guess my morning angst is a loss of connection.
2020 did a major number on us. Connecting and being with people has become so complicated. Everyone has a different comfort level and carrying around a vaccine card and wearing a mask feels awful. It is beyond annoying trying to have a conversation with anyone with our masks on. I hurt for the kids in school that only see their teacher’s and friend’s eyes and not their smiles.
How do I start over and wake up with joy? I want to accept this new life of vaccine cards, masks, zoom meetings, limited person-to-person connection but I am struggling. As I celebrate my birthday this year in warm Florida I will try and take in all the love and connection around me. I want real hugs and kisses, not air hugs and emojis.
