Win Through Your Action, Never Through Argument
How to win people’s hearts and convince them to believe what you believe
Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and last longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.
The engineer, whose name has not been recorded by history, had spent his life designing masts and pillars and was respected as the finest engineer in a city that had excelled in science. He knew that he was right. A smaller ram would allow more speed and carry more force. Larger is not necessarily better. Of course, the consul would see his logic, and would eventually understand that science is neutral and reason superior.
How could the consul possibly persist in his ignorance if the engineer showed him detailed diagrams and explained the theories behind his advice? The military engineer was the quintessence of the Arguer, a type found everywhere among us. The Arguer does not understand that words are never neutral and that by arguing with a superior he impugns the intelligence of one more powerful than he.
He also has no awareness of the person he is dealing with. Since each man believes that he is right, and words will rarely convince him otherwise, the arguer’s reasoning falls on deaf ears. When cornered, he only argues more, digging his own grave. Once he has made the other person feel insecure and inferior in his beliefs, the eloquence of Socrates could not save the situation. It is not simply a question of avoiding an argument with those who stand above you.
We all believe we are masters in the realm of opinions and reasoning. You must be careful, then: Learn to demonstrate the correctness of your ideas indirectly.
In the realm of power, you must learn to judge your moves by their long-term effects on other people. The problem in trying to prove a point or gain a victory through argument is that in the end, you can never be certain how it affects the people you’re arguing with:
They may appear to agree with you politely, but inside they may resent you. Or perhaps something you said inadvertently even offended them — words have that insidious ability to be interpreted according to the other person’s mood and insecurities.
Even the best argument has no solid foundation, for we have all come to distrust the slippery nature of words. And days after agreeing with someone, we often revert to our old opinion out of sheer habit. Understand this: Words are a dime a dozen. Everyone knows that in the heat of an argument, we will all say anything to support our cause.
We will quote the Bible, and refer to unverifiable statistics. Who can be persuaded by bags of air like that? Action and demonstration are much more powerful and meaningful.
They are there, before our eyes, for us to see — “Yes, now the statue’s nose does look just right.” There are no offensive words, no possibility of misinterpretation. No one can argue with demonstrated proof. As Baltasar Gracián remarks, “The truth is generally seen, rarely heard.”
The verbal argument has one vital use in the realm of power: To distract and cover your tracks when you are practicing deception or are caught in a lie. In such cases, it is to your advantage to argue with all the conviction you can muster.
Draw the other person into an argument to distract them from your deceptive move. When caught in a lie, the more emotional and certain you appear, the less likely it seems that you are lying.
