If Your Ashley Madison Profile Sucks, You Won’t Get F#cked
Thankfully, it’s all in your control to fix if you know what you’re doing
I recently wrote about a man, DarkKnightReturns, on Ashely Madison who was using a babyface filter on his profile picture. When I told him to change it we had a bit of a back and forth, but guess what? He finally changed it!!
In looking at his profile, that babyface pic was only the beginning of his trouble!
And as your Faery Godmother of Adultery, I refuse to leave any cheater in trouble if they show me they are willing to change! No matter how rocky the start!
Moving on from the profile pic, I looked at the rest of his profile. There are really three elements to a successful online dating that are in the dater’s control –
- Profile and private pictures
- Profile writeup
- Messaging
If you’re going to use a picture as your profile pic, make it one that will generate interest. Once that’s solved, I look at the writeup. Why in this order?
If your picture isn’t converting the ladies to your profile, it won’t matter what you write.
Want help with your profile? Shoot me an email at teresa@theconwayagency.com and we’ll get you moving in the right direction!
Pictures
Then look at your private pics. Keep them PG, and have a couple of types — relaxed, formal or business dress, and action shots of you doing something. Posed photos work, but if you can have one or two of you doing something while not looking at the camera, she’ll get a better idea of the “real” you. Not the “you” you try to be when you’re having your picture taken.
Writeup as landing page
Think of your profile as your landing page where you are marketing yourself as the main product. Say a couple of things about you, keep it PG, and try to be funny. After that, focus on your messages, because if she likes your message, she’ll probably do what? Go check out your profile to see who you are!
The circle of an online dating life
Think of it as the circle of your on-line dating life, and how you keep her chatting, if she responds!
Likes profile pic or first message > checks out profile > likes profile > replies to or sends message > asks to see pics > likes pics > keeps chatting
Our conversation
This is how the rest of our conversation went as I brought him through the circle!
YFGM — One of the things that might not be attracting married women to you is your relationship status. Married people would rather date other married people or ones in a relationship so if things go sideways they both have as much to lose. Maybe consider changing your relationship status. I generally tell singles I’m not interested because they are too much risk for that reason.
DKR — Well im not desperate on here. And what? That dont make any sense.
DKR — Wait…are you tutoring me? lol
YFGM — I wrote a book about adultery — seriously. I talk to a lot of women about what works and what doesn’t, and I sometimes pass it along. That’s all. And you might not believe it, but I charge $170 for a profile review, but like everyone else, I can’t help not stopping and looking at a traffic accident. I really can’t tell you how much better your picture looks now ❤
DKR — Ok. Well…what should i put on my ABOUT ME section then….expert. lol
YFGM — Will that be pay pal or credit card? :)
His writeup
YourFaeryGodmother — Try this — “I am single with my own place where we can take take our time getting to know each other. I’m chill and looking for the same. I’m not looking for a GF but I’m in a good place right now to be your backdoor man. I might be down something longer term with the right lady so let’s see if we can build some chill vibes chatting and go from there.”
YFGM — If you don’t like “backdoor man” you could say side piece. Backdoor man is a little old timey. While is suggests a little bit of class by using the older expression, some women might think of anal if they haven’t heard it before, so it’s a double edge sword lol
YFGM — If you keep your status as single I think the focus on “own place” so that she knows you aren’t going to ask her to have sex in the car. Some men are so cheap and while the odd bit of car sex is ok, a bed is far better. And because you have your own place, it makes life easier arranging meets, because only one of you has to lie and organize your schedule. There are advantages to being with a single guy, except if he falls in love with you he might fuck up your marriage lol I took the job and car bit out because she expects that, so no need to mention it.
YFGM — Let me know what you think!
DKR — Ok. ill try this and see where it takes me. smh lol
YFGM — Ok, looks good! I’m glad you personalized it. So, after that, it’s your messages. If you write a nice non-sex message that says something about her, she’ll go to your profile to check you out. If she likes that, and liked your message, she’s more likely to reply. I say more likely — not will. Your best bet is to cruise all the new ladies and message them. When they are new, they like the attention, and if they like your message and your profile, you’ll have a better chance catching their eye.
How not to approach a woman
YFGM — I tell my clients to never favourite or wink and never send or ask for pics. You say you’re chill, so that’s good. Show her in the chat that you’re attentive to what she says and that you’re interested in her. All those little things will add up, but always let her take the lead. Let her ask you to meet. Let her be in control and make the decisions and that will make her feel safe with you. The new ones are scared, excited, and lonely, so give her a chance to explore.
YFGM — And I promise you all the other guys will jump to sex right away, be pushy, and try to meet. They won’t think about what’s going on with her, and so those assholes will make you look even better. It really is that simple.
Starting a convo
DKR — Sooo…how to start off a conversation Obi Wan Kenobi? Mine start off with *Hey. How are you doing?* With a compliment. And i always get stuck on read. smh
Messages that don’t work
YFGM — She’ll get dozens of those “hey…” messages. Read her profile and say something about to attract her attention. Even if she doesn’t have much to say, look at her greeting. No matter what — personalize it and end with a question. If she has something jokey, respond to that, or say something completely goofy. Seriously, be different, so when you’re looking at her think — what is every other guy going to say — “hey, how are you” and then don’t say that. I know it’s hard because I usually write the first one for my clients to try and draw her out into a convo with them lol
YFGM — Getting any traction with your profile? Or have you not been messaging?
DKR — I did but no replies…as always. So no traction….as always.
YFGM — My guess is it’s your message game. That’s really the toughest part.
DKR — Yea…im pretty sure it. I tried compliments….Hey. How are you?…How are you doing?…How is this site treating you? Nothing works.
YFGM — So, for an example, this is the sort of message I write for my clients to a new girl — “Good morning! I’m new around here too, and I couldn’t help noticing how good you look in pink! I’m also looking for discretion, and I like the idea of a single friend for the flexibility. But most important to me is making sure there’s a connection, and working from there, so I’d like to chat and see if there’s some chemistry. How does that sound?” — We haven’t heard back from her, but I have been getting more bites than he did lol
Messages that work
YFGM — What I find works is a paragraph of 4–5 lines with no spelling or grammar errors. I write them fresh for each lady, run them through a grammar checker, and then post them up. About 50% of them get something.
DKR — Soo…i write all that or similar to a female and i will get bites?
YFGM — You might. But I write a lot of them. So I’m good at it. When I work with a client, I log into their account and message from there once I know what sort of women they like. Age, body type, location etc
YFGM — Hang on, I’ll send you more examples.
YFGM — Seeing as your profile’s new, I can see we already have one thing in common! Is this your first time stepping out? I’m looking to ignite that flame that been out for far too long. I want the romance and excitement back and to share it with someone who’ll appreciate as much as I do. I know you haven’t written much in your profile, but what I do know is that like me, you have a reason to be here, and I’d be interested to know what yours are, because doubt they’d be much different than mine. If not, welcome and happy hunting!
YFGM — Let’s talk! I’m new here, like you, and I’m feeling my way around as a first timer who’s never done anything like this before. I’m a little scared by putting myself out there, excited by the possibilities of this new adventure, but don’t want to rush into anything. That’s why I’d love to chat with someone on the same path who might help me make sense of all this. What I do know is even without meeting anyone yet I haven’t felt like this in years, and so far I’m loving it! How about you?
YFGM — Girl_Looking, I’ve got everything you’re looking for in an affair partner, but I’ve never had an affair, but that’s precisely what I’m looking for — an affair, and nothing more. I’m at a point in my life where I’m taking stock and realizing something is missing. It isn’t possessions or success, but passion and intimacy — the thrill of a new adventure and someone to share it with. I’m missing that special lady who needs to steal those passionate moments as much as I do. I need to feel the fire of my youth burning in my soul again — it’s been far too long. I hope that’s what you mean by an affair. So tell me, is it?
YFGM — Looking over your profile, I see that I meet most of your criteria, but anyone could say that, couldn’t they? I also don’t usually provide my pictures this quickly, but I will because you’ve asked. We put a lot of pressure on women to show us their best side, so why not turn the tables? What I’m looking for is a woman who looks good on my arm, even if we’re just stolen away in an out-of-the-way inn sharing an intimate moment. I’m here because I’m missing a passionate connection with a woman, and I wonder if passion is what draws you’re here? I need my fire re-lit, do you?
YFGM — I’ve never done anything like this before, and I’m having a hard time figuring out what to say to get a response. What I’m looking for a special friend to share some intimate and romantic quiet times with and fill the growing void in my life. I’m fit like you and take pride in my appearance; I have flexible hours during the week and will treat the right lady like a queen if she’ll let me. I’d like to start slowly and see where it goes rather than jump into things . I want to do this right once.
YFGM — So, because he pays me a lot of money, I write those from scratch each time based on her profile — even if she’s written next to nothing in it.
YFGM — And your best bet is to send those sorts of messages to all the new ladies who join the site.
DKR — Ok. Ill try it.
YFGM — Let me know how it goes. If you’d like, find a girl you want to message, tell me her profile name, and I’ll check her out with my boy profile. Then I’ll tell you what I think you should write :-)
DKR — ok. hold on — PitaMomma13.
YFGM — I’ll look for her after work tonight. Don’t message, wink, or favourite her! Keep her fresh!
DKR — Ok. Well i did message her before. Long time ago. I can find one i havent messaged if cool with you.
Pro Tip — Don’t go over ground you’ve already covered. If you’ve messaged her before, forget her. She’s already looked at your profile, or rejected your message, and will likely remember that, because she’ll see the new message under the old one, and think, oh yeah, that guy…and move on. No matter what you do that this point — other than create a new profile — it will not work.
YFGM — Yes, pick someone new to the site. When you do your search, select the new only toggle. That will make it easier for me to find her too
DKR — Ok. Stand by. I feel you’re like my wing man to this site. smh lol
DKR — marly19 and candycrush10
YFGM — When you do your searches, you should stick with people who are active within the last 48 hours because those are the ones in the hunt. When I looked I didn’t see them active in the last 48 hours. You have to pick that search option in “Discover”
DKR — yes. It’s what’s said on search. lol
DKR — So i messaged a girl…and she blocked me. smh
YFGM — Poor guy!
DKR — Eh…its fine. I’ll delete soon. Havent been getting anything on here anyway.
YFGM — Slow down! I’ve found candycrush10! Let me whip you up a message. She’s looking for a guy who’s caring and not just out for sex. I’ll play around with something and send it to you. Then you can personalize it and send it to her.
DKR — ok
YFGM — Hi Candy, I checked out your profile and I think I’m the guy for you. I’m single, but not looking for a serious relationship right now. I am looking for a special friend to spend time with, take care of, and spoil with attention. I’m affectionate, like to chat between meets, and enjoy cuddling on the couch. I’ve got my own place, value my privacy, and would respect yours too. I’m not a sugar daddy, but if you give me half a chance, I’ll be your sugar bear. Check out my profile and let me know what you think!
YFGM — Also, send as a priority message, so that when she opens it, you’ll know. Always follow up within 10 mins if you can with a nice short message.
YFGM — Let me know what happens.
When I write messages for men, I tend to get a 30–40% response rate. Do all those turn into chats? No, but when you consider a lot of men get a 0% response rate, I’d say I’m doing pretty well.
So I don’t know how Mr. DarkKnightReturns does with my message, but I hope it gets him somewhere. When I do this for pay, I tend to message every woman within my client’s identified area of interest with a unique message suited to her. That way we’re not wasting credits on someone he won’t like.
Want help with your profile? Shoot me an email at teresa@theconwayagency.com and we’ll get you moving in the right direction!
And if she writes back and he doesn’t like her, I block her. Because we’re not going over ground we’ve already covered, right?
Like anything, online dating is a numbers game. The more high-quality messages you send, the higher chance you have of connecting with someone. The more people you connect with, the higher chance you have of meeting someone, and the more people you meet, the higher chance you’ll have of sleeping with one.
Put in the work, and you’ll go all the way!!
Here’s how my discussion with Mr. DarkKnightReturns started. I wasn’t sure I’d get through to him! But then your Faery Godmother of Adultery just seems to have a way with cheaters, doesn’t she?
Join my email list
Get a free pdf copy of my ebook — How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress — by joining my list! Third party link to — ⇨ MY EMAIL LIST!
On a married dating site, but having trouble attracting women?
I can help you, follow this third-party link for a full list of my offerings
⇨ Check out my adultery products and services!
© Teresa J. Conway, 2021
