The Best of Both Worlds
Darkness raises questions.
Why?
Why the pain?
The misery?
Who is to blame?
God…
Won’t you,
ㅤcan’t you,
Answer?
Can’t you provide clarity?
Explain why there is anything but goodness here?
Won’t you tell me…
Who you are?
Then I remember…
I ask for things,
ㅤthings I think are good but aren’t.
And you give them to me.
Then I blame you.
I ignore the lesson.
I ignore you.
While I should be one who can help others to know you…
While I should be a vehicle through which you rescue others…
I instead need rescuing.
Yet…
I refuse to be rescued.
My experience with you should show me,
ㅤremind me,
That you have set me apart.
Made me holy.
Made me wholly yours.
Your spirit convinces me.
Convicts me.
That you are the one.
The one who can,
ㅤwho must,
Fulfill the longing in my heart.
I see it.
I feel it.
But at times,
ㅤI forget it.
Instead of living in that story you have given me,
ㅤI fall back into,
ㅤre-enter,
The story I see in the world around me.
Rather than reflecting your story to the world around me,
ㅤI become a part of that very world.
Rather than carrying your goodness to the world,
ㅤI become suspicious of your story.
Of you.
And I become disconnected.
Disconnected from you
Discounted from those who love you.
Disconnected from my own…
Heart
My heart ceases to be a sacred space,
ㅤFully given to you.
I find myself devoted to,
ㅤdevoured by,
That which I find around me.
I struggle with keeping my heart sacred.
I struggle with faithfulness.
The idols of the world distract,
ㅤattract,
Me.
They provoke my worship,
ㅤand I sacrifice myself to them.
I sacrifice the truly important things in my life to them,
ㅤand I make the trivial things important.
But ultimately,
ㅤI feel,
ㅤI know,
ㅤI believe,
You are Good.
You are the answer to my longing.
So…
Today Lord, I ask you…
I plead with you…
Fill my heart with a desire for you.
For your love.
Help me realize,
ㅤrecognize,
ㅤremember,
I am your beloved.
Lord, today make my heart a sacred space for you.
Psalming as Performance Art — written in real time, as I sat in church listening to a sermon preached by Pastor Phil on 6/24/18: Re-cycling Judges, The Best of Both Worlds
