The Unfair Teacher!
To my oldest kid who approached me today with a sad look.
Life is not fair.
Life is full of disappointment.
—
Today, my kid sat next to me to tell me how her day went, like most days. I noticed that her eyes were red. I knew right away that something was not okay.
She started by telling me how much she does not like her teacher, that he just sits in class, lectures them, and checks his phone, unless the principal is doing his rounds — then he acts like a super teacher.
I could see that she had anger towards him. It is important to unpack feelings, so I started to dig into the “why” she was really feeling that way. With a little bit of convincing, she told me that she did not do well on her test, and that it was the teacher’s fault.
Okay, that’s interesting! Questions in my head are: Why would it be the teacher’s fault? Why are you feeling this way? What is the underlying cause of your anger?
There are many reasons why someone is feeling anger.
Anger is complicated.
As a good parent — well, I like to think that I am, anyway — we had a chat about emotions and what happened and why she was feeling this way.
Turns out — the teacher told his class, after the test was completed, that everyone who finished the multiple-choice questions test under 15 minutes will be severely penalized.
You guess it, I am mad too. How is this fair to my kid? How to make her feel better with something that I have so little control over?
By managing emotion and expectation.
So you see, she did not get a mark back yet. So, at this point, we don’t even know the validity of his threats — are they real or is he just trying to force his students to spend more time reading questions next time?
There are things in life that we can control and other things we cannot control. I don’t want her to have a crappy weekend because of some unknown grade, and because of what her teacher said.
It is very difficult to retract your own internal feelings about a situation — let’s be real, it is a bit of a crappy move to penalize children on a test after they have completed it. Had he given clear directions before the test — sure, that’s not as bad, but after… really…
You might be thinking, so what?
It really comes down to the importance of being able to reflect on your own internal emotions. When you get hooked, it is to be able to analyze why you are hooked, and find ways to unhook yourself — aka being able to self-talk and self-regulate. Is it really worth it to feel this way, for this long, when right now there is not much we can do about it, except feeling angry, and ultimately ruining the weekend, instead of relaxing and recharging the inner-self before going back to work. In my daughter’s case, back to school.
Navigating emotions on our own is difficult, and even more so when trying to help someone who you are emotionally attached to. But, it is something must strive to achieve. I see so many mental health issues with youths and adults not being able to cope with the daily challenges of life. The unhooking starts here, and it starts with each and every one of us.
It is normal to have emotions, to feel passionate about something; however, overly strong emotions should not be driving in the driver’s seat all the time — when it becomes too much, we need to learn to unhook and teach others to do the same.
Back to my kid — she will be fine, I will be fine. We put our emotions aside — until we see the result of the test. I don’t know how she and I are going to feel, especially, if he actually penalized his students for finishing the test under 15 minutes. But, here’s what I know. Her and I are going to get through these emotions together, continue to talk about it, and find workable solutions to problems.
Cheers, and until next time!
Michael B.
