Anyone Can Learn to Meditate by Doing These 5 Things

It’s 2020 and mindfulness is a lifestyle. It’s on our phones, in our workplaces and millions of people practice and swear by it. The claims about its positive effects are everywhere, and there is also hard evidence that practicing mindfulness reduces anxiety and symptoms of depression. It’s something many people have at some point been told about, and maybe even considered developing into a regular practice. For many, mindfulness has become an aspiration, one that can feel constantly out of grasp.

Finding your mindfulness

A friend I went to my first meditation class with told me a year after dropping out that she felt much more mindful working out in the gym than in any meditation class. It was funny to hear at the time but I realized then what a lot of us get wrong about meditation.

The fact is, you can practice mindfulness anywhere, at any time. At the gym, at a zebra crossing at a busy intersection, or on your sofa before leaving home for work. Meditation is nothing but allowing yourself to exist in whatever space you are in.

Prior to that conversation, my meditation practice involved keeping strictly to some code I had learned from the commercialised sort of meditation we love in the west: lighting candles, investing into the perfect sitting pillow, a daily practice and a constant sense of peace and detachment. But that doesn’t work for all of us. I hadn’t even realized, that my practice was unrewarding, because I felt like I was living up to it. I was disciplined, and I pushed myself hard. I was happy, ticking away the days where I did in fact meditate. The mental effect it gave me though was minimal. I wasn’t really getting anything out of it. I know now that my entire objective to meditating was flawed — I expected it to involve specific things, feelings and results.

Ask yourself this: what are you trying to achieve?

Mindfulness is being fully present in the experience of living. It doesn’t have to be a breakthrough moment, sitting still under a tree. It is about making room for the experience of living in the world for a moment. That should be your achievement. To open up a space where there is peace and acceptance. Breakthrough moments can come from this, but there is an important first step without which you will never open yourself up to the rewards of meditation.

Focusing on the rewards is a flawed approach, perhaps a part of the western mentality that everything we want is waiting for us on the other side of a credit card payment. Meditation is a long process, and it depends on letting go of any intentional goal. We simply can’t “turn on” detachment from stress, or acceptance, or self-love. We cannot switch off thoughts we don’t like or change the brain overnight. Our minds are meant to process our experiences, including things like awareness of sounds or our thoughts. These are mental processes that we cannot live without. Attaching a goal to eradicate all inner processing of our experience is an unachievable goal, that will leave you frustrated and dissatisfied.

Let go of any effort or expectation — treat it like an experiment

I’m a perfectionist, and if you are you will relate to this. In my early days of developing my practice, I spent longer thinking, planning where to sit, finding the right music, lighting the right candle and getting into the right mental zone than actually meditating. It was exhausting, it made the experience feel like I needed to succeed because otherwise it was a failed attempt. This is not to mention the irritation from being distracted by sounds and having to restart the timer.

Pay attention, but give up control

The reality is that there is no right set of steps to create mindfulness. It’s not something active. Don’t try to create the right environment, just find inner stillness.

Let go of any “shoulds” about what the experience should feel like. There will always be distracting sounds, intrusive thoughts and emotions that come up in your practice. The issue is not that these sounds exist, but that you are attached to them and give them power over your mind. Not because you’re distracted, but because you start an inner monologue of anger and irritation. Sounds exist, thoughts exist, we wouldn’t be human without our thoughts and perceptions. A meditation teacher once told me that if you catch yourself thinking during your practice, it’s a good sign that you’re still alive.

Catch distraction, and turn it into mindfulness

The way you create inner space for mindfulness is by experiencing that boundary to your awareness, and turning it into mindfulness by noticing it and letting it go. Doing this regularly, you will realize bit by bit that it gets easier, and that contrary to what you’ve always thought, it is very easy to let go of a thought. By pushing the boundary of your attention, you train your brain to make room for more awareness and detachment from negative patterns. It’s like going to the gym — the results happen with time. There is a very handy mantra for the modern meditator, one which I hope helps you create your own, good though imperfect practice:

Notice and let go.

Build a sustainable habit

If you feel like there are specific things that need to accompany mindfulness, reread all of the above. It is an inner experience, it can be found in a cave atop a mountain, or walking through a crowded city on a rainy day. It could be 5 minutes of focusing on your senses and experience as you eat your breakfast, a 20 minute walk on your lunch break where you don’t listen to music but tune into the sounds around you, or focusing on how your body feels at the gym or a spin class. You will get the most out of your practice if it’s regular, but it doesn’t have to be daily. Eventually, building a habit will help you slip into meditation easily. Like any habit, once you know what to expect and what helps your practice.

What your practice shouldn’t be, is an unrealistic plan that you can never live up to. If you know you don’t have the time for an hour long session every day, don’t try to make it that. All you will do is add more strain to your daily life. Find what works, and try to practice that. Practice regularly enough, and after a while, and meditation will become an easy and sustainable practice, that you will find incredibly rewarding in your day to day life.