A Little Mouse Can’t Tell Anyone What it is Like Inside Her House
an anthology of poems and short stories written by Laura Dennis
a creative narrative memoir
Throughout my time in college, I became very self aware that my childhood wasn’t very normal (if you enjoy using that word to describe things). I struggled with aspects of life that others didn’t. I realized that other people around me didn’t feel like I did: as if I am still trapped in the childhood that I thought would never end.
Coming to Champlain College in 2018 for my freshman year, it was the first time I was living away from everything and anything that I had ever known in my life. My first year I felt that other people didn’t go through similar things as me, and that no one would understand me for who I truly was.
I know now that this isn’t true. I’ve learned so many things in all of my time at Champlain College. You could say I grew into a little women.
There are a lot of people that have gone through similar things that I have. I’ve met them here, and I hear you/see you. In the same way that you have heard and seen me.
I want to put all of this out in the air for anyone who takes it in.
I learn a lot from myself when reading and writing, and sharing this is all I wish to do at the moment.
As a psychology and a writing student, hearing peoples stories in different environments helped me a lot. I was able to feel more comfortable with myself in the act of hearing other people’s stories and what they have been through. Verbally or written, this aspect came up a lot in all of my classes here. I think memoirs are beautiful. I have heard people come to my classes and tell their stories, I have heard people at open mic nights on campus read their hearts out that they wrote down on paper.
I am apart of communities of people who are survivors of childhood traumas, family of alcoholics, and dealing with aspects of mental health issues. And I want it to be normal to talk about it in appropriate settings. I hope that with my work in writing about my life, that this will add to all the people fighting to be heard, just like me.
Poetry says a lot more usually than what is actually there. It has made me stronger finding that there is a community of people who share their stories and talk so openly about their mental health in writing.
People who have overcome everything and anything. They are here to tell the story, and connect to me, so why not try doing the same for myself in hopes to connect to others who maybe need that connection. Hope to see that you can get through life even if at times it feels like you can’t, or won’t. I want people to feel as if they belong, because from reading many memoirs myself, I was able to start to feel as if I belonged on the earth from them.
Having the ability to make myself feel more empowered with my mental health struggles through something that feels so simple to me, such as writing, has helped me so much in processing all that affected me thus far in my life.
Writing poetry in the manner that I have been the last few years has made me grow as an individual. It has helped me heal. All aspects of being creative have helped me heal because I am putting energy into the air and out of my body.
Writing isn’t the only form of creativity that has helped me painting, crochet, and coloring are aspects I have brought into my life again to help heal my inner child that is so hurt.
This anthology is a look into everything and anything that made me who I am today. I want to share my journey of healing that I am on with others.
I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) and chronic pain. My anxiety is my friend and enemy. Keeping me safe, helping me get to where I am today…but it hurt a lot. It still hurts a lot. So in the last few years I have found a way to help myself ease away from this pain.
And I want to share my life thus far as my last academic endeavor here.
This last semester of my time at Champlain I worked on a manuscript for my memoir: A little mouse can’t tell anyone about what it is like inside her house
I am only a person, and this is only my life. Inside these pages I have art that I have done to help ease my brain. I want to share my journey with people, and share my story with a community of people who could relate in some way.
Being a college student and seeking out therapy because my mental health was so bad made me have the chance to help myself. It also made me have the chance to start to find out who I actually was. Yes, I am haunted by my childhood and have terrible anxieties surrounding all the memories floating around my head from it, but I don’t have to let that control me. Learning about C-PTSD changed my entire look on life. I think writing about it has helped me break stereotypes I held surrounding not only myself, but mental health in general. Getting help for my mental health made me realize that I had control over my life, not anyone else.
I am beyond thankful for the resources on Champlain’s campus in order for me to receive counseling for my mental health. The people who I wish to thank know who they are, but thank you to all who have helped me in my five years as a student here.
Sophomore year, when COVID-19 started, I left campus going home for spring break. We didn’t go back to campus after break. Spring break was extended until the end of summer, or so it felt at first. Quarantine and isolation spread, just as covid had spread across the world. Living through a pandemic, ending relationships with people I never thought I could,
receiving help for my mental health, and finding myself for who I really am on the inside. All of this all while trying to finish my homework.
Sometimes it felt as if I’d never make it through, but here I am! To share my work and try to have a conversation truly be started about childhood trauma that affects more than a majority of the population.
Now, I wish to share some writing from my project.
These are two of my favorite poems I have written. A lot of my writing in my anthology revolves around reflecting on myself as a child and who I am now.
pink Levi’s
pink levis
right when i could start to walk
lil sassy butt,
legs too short for your torso,
running around in circles.
they fit perfectly.a hand-me-down shirt from
an older brother
who protectsnutrients in my belly from
my mom
who loves unconditionally
walking on the feet she gave me
in my pink levisI walk all the time now
Around in circles
Side to side in a line
Up and down the blockBlack levis
Loose around my body
Baggy like my eyes
Insides tied in knotsThread dangling
Between my thighs
small crochet belt
i weaved for myself
Yarn running in circles
So they fit around my hips.
The Act
The undying act
Still remains as a fact
You know what you did
Forsaken in the night
All that was felt was the fright
All you did was want to fight
All I did was want to take flight
As a matter of fact
I do remember it felt like an act
What a weird play
All the memories bunched up right where you lay
You know what you did
When the full moon bled
Please won’t you just get out of my head
As I lay here in my bed
The play goes on repeat in my brain
I feel like I was framed
I can’t believe you named me that
I was set up since birth
Because you couldn’t keep your feet down on the earth
Naming your daughter after a women you want to slaughter for breaking your heart
I was doomed since the start
It felt like an act as I watched from a distance.
Listening to your voice be raised, it made me feel like a nuisance
Calling your wife and saying you’ll grab a knife
This play is getting way out of hand and I think I want to go join a band
I’ll sing about this play and act like it wasn’t real
Until the pain comes up to my throat
And I feel like I want to croak
Now I am here, and I should have nothing to fear
But because of your beer, and the hands that you have
My brain makes me feel like I’m stuck in the past
And I know that this will last
Because I was doomed from the start
And you broke my fragile heart
I am debuting my finished manuscript at Champlain’s EHS Capstone Symposium on April 26th, 2023.
If you are interested in reading my creative narrative memoir anthology in its entirety, please contact me at any of my contacts that I will have listed below at the end of this article.
Contacts
Champlain Student? Connect with me at my school email! laura.dennis@mymail.champlain.edu
In the professional field? Connect with me at this personal email! lauramay123099@gmail.com
Don’t like email? Connect with me in other places too!
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lauramay-dennis/
Discord: laura#0102
Instagram: @lilmousepoo
