Two headless horsemen that help and hinder: Pronoia and paranoia
Imagine a world where people constantly pontificate about how great you are- behind your back, of course. They cheer you on and set up your success. It helps take pressure off you. After all, how can you lose when the world around you wants you to win?
Welcome to the state of pronoia. As you may have guessed, this is the opposite mindset to paranoia. People in a pronoid state look around and see only support, believing that everybody in their social circles is giving praise and affirmation. Life is one big conspiracy. A conspiracy to help you make the most of life. Achieve your goals. Heck, to take over the damn world should you wish.
(Incidentally, this is not something that applies to Donald Trump. When talking about his Mar-a-Lago resort, here’s what he had to say: “they all eat, they all love me, they all kiss my ass. And then they all leave and say, isn’t he horrible. But I’m the king.” Clearly there’s no pronoia here. He’s simply narcissistic.)
Just like paranoia, there are degrees of pronoia. Within the confines of this article we will not be broaching the outer limits, the realms where paranoia and pronoia become problematic and extreme. Rather, there’s room for discussion about the middle portion, the rotund belly of the ‘noias. What causes these different states? When do they help and hinder? Is one better than the other?
What’s behind the noias?
It’s all about how we view the world around us. Like most things, paranoia is linked to evolution and survival. People with a degree of paranoia about a particular scenario or circumstance will find themselves behaving more cautiously and taking fewer risks. This is also the reason people are more likely to be paranoid than pronoid- we are naturally risk averse. Walking through a jungle believing all the wild animals are on your side is an unlikely way of keeping your lineage in the gene pool.
When do they help and hinder?
A degree of paranoia could help you make it through a jungle. Yet equally there are times when paranoia can undermine relationships and performance. Once it seeps into the trust we have for others, we’re less likely to rely on those people as much as we might. It’ll also skew how we come across to those people, which can have a damaging effect.
So when it comes to working with those around us, should we try to be slightly pronoid?
Perhaps. As always, there’s a balance. It’s one thing to think the best of the people around you: that they’ve got your back and are supporting your ambitions. Just as long as it doesn’t go too far and turn into delusions of grandeur. We all know that person.
All this is well and good. But how can I get a handle on my ‘noias when I need to?
While these mental states can seem out of our control, there are little things that can tip us towards pronoia should we wish. Try asking all your friends to share one thing they like about you, and really take time to appreciate what they say. Or save the compliments and praise that you receive from colleagues in a folder in your inbox and return to them regularly.
It’s true that becoming too ‘noid, in one direction or another, is unlikely to be helpful. But we all have that little voice whispering to us at times. By cuddling it a little bit and getting to know it, we can begin to take more control- and try to direct it positively or negatively whenever we need to.
Do say: I feel like you’re all supporting me and cheering me on.
Don’t say: It’s not my fault, blame it on my ‘noia.
Things you can devour to sound good at parties:
Book: ‘Curious?’ by Todd Kashdan.
Article: ‘Pronoia’, one of the first articles on the topic, by Fred Goldner
Ted talk: ‘What reality are you creating for yourself?’ by Isaac Lidsky
