No, I can’t sleep, trust me, I’m trying!

This piece was submitted by an anonymous contributor. Shout out to your for sharing!

Can we agree that there are some things that should never go together? For example, mint and ice-cream (ew), a glass of orange juice right after brushing your teeth (even more ew, might as well drink vomit) and of course my favourite nightmare *insert drum roll* Insomnia and Depression *insert fireworks*.

I mean, dealing with depression is already a full time job and you’re telling me I have to count ceiling tiles to fall asleep too? P.s. that doesn’t help, at all. You just end up knowing how many tiles there are in any room you sleep in. Small victories I guess.

With insomnia, you may have difficulty falling asleep, have too little sleep or wake up frequently through the night. It can result in non-restorative sleep, i.e. non-energizing rest and most times disrupt the way you function during the day.

I must say, that though insomnia is one of the most common symptoms of depression, it is not always linked to depression. Someone with an anxiety disorder, substance abuse problem, or a psychotic disorder could have trouble sleeping as well. Insomnia is kind of like that weird friend that wants to go to every party, even though the parties suck.

That said, to everyone suffering from depression without insomnia, what’s that like?

People always say to me, “You can’t sleep? Try reading a book”. It’s not that easy. Insomnia on its own is a handful to manage because it disrupts the way my body functions and lowers my productivity during the day. Battling depression alongside is quite a lot to handle. My depression feels like a bottomless hole that sucks me up. My healing is a gradual process that requires a lot of attention so I avoid relapsing. When I do relapse, I feel like I fall deeper into the hole. This whole process then seems worse at night when everything hits me at once and I literally can’t just sleep it away.

I could take anti-depressants like Prozac and Zoloft to treat my depression, but I’m not necessarily a fan of medication. My phobia for pills doesn’t exactly help either. I imagine becoming too dependent on them, so instead I organize my daily schedule and try to make sure I go to bed and wake up around the same time every day (which is almost impossible if you live in Lagos like I do).

I also like to keep a to-do list of tasks I need to complete the next day. This helps me prioritize and worry less about less urgent things. I recently realized that even though I may not be the captain of the fit-fam, regular exercise is very helpful in facilitating sleep and also relieving some of anxiety associated with going to bed. Don’t underestimate the power of a shower right before bed either. It can be really effective in initiating deep sleep as your body cools.

Some people also wear earplugs and a sleep mask to block out noise and light. What currently works for me are these blackout blinds for my bedroom to keep outside lights from bothering me.

So, um yeah! If you’re out there battling this wretched dog called depression and/or you’re having trouble sleeping as well, I’d like to know how you cope. Do you read some Shakespeare before bed, watch movies or just wait it out? Let me know in the comments below; you’re not alone!

Look at that wretched dog y’all.