You Are Too Precious To Let The World Lose You

I woke up one day, decided to slit my wrists. I remember my aunty rushing me to the hospital.

Two things were on my mind that day :

1. Someone cares; someone was looking out for me!

2. Why did she stop me?

This is not a “feel sorry” post. Just here to say I didn’t become suicidal in just one day/one week. It was a vicious cycle that lasted for months and these are the phases I went through:

Step 1: Believe that no one cares

Step 2: Engage in self ruminating thoughts

Step 3: Look for something to numb the pain

Step 4: Try out temporary catharsis methods: read a book, get drunk, write poetry, dance

Step 5: Realize that those outlets are not enough so look for permanent solutions

Step 6: Decide to shut everything off.. take your life

Step 7: Hesitate vs Execute

I call this the 7 steps of the road to depression cycle (ps: it is solely based on my experience)

Most people go through step 1–4 and bounce back. Some get stuck on some steps e.g step 2; I’ve been in that phase for as long as 6 months.

When I started looking for a permanent way out though I got scared.

First I started researching “painless suicide methods” and “is suicide a sin if you’re already dead inside?”

If you’re reading this you know it’s messed up when you can start relating to this.

I would write more about how I got here, but that’s too much to open up. My heart goes out to anyone reading this.

Listen, if you are in any of these phases right now, understand that it gets worse until you stop it.

It is not easy, but there’s no textbook method to solve it.

Talk to someone, if not family or friend, talk to a therapist. Check online platforms or phone numbers to call- there are free ones too.

You are too precious to let the world lose you.

You are not alone.

Love and Light.

A survivor.

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This post was submitted by an anonymous writer who wanted to use her experience to inspire others. Suicide is real. It affects all races, ages, sexes, classes. If you or anyone you know needs professional help, please reach out. You can find therapists in Nigeria on PsyndUp.

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