Tinder: Do It Right
“Nia. 21. Long Island. Sorority girl. If you don’t like America in immense amounts, we can’t be friends.” That’s the tagline for my Tinder profile. Direct, to the point, and with a little bit of comedy to show how funny I am — because I am funny and boys need to know. Dating apps these days are all the rage, with users often finding it easier to meet people when they can search for what they are specifically looking for. But to me, it seems that the more detail you put into your social media writing, the more stressful it is and the harder it is to actually find someone through those forums. I believe that the more concise you are in your writing on dating apps, the more likely you are to have success in facilitating a relationship.
I’d like to start off by saying, that I use the term relationship here very loosely. While our relationship can mean the traditional exclusive dating, it can also be used to categorize to two people who solely have a physical connection. It would be nice to say that every relationship that results from dating apps on social media is a traditional one, where the two people fall in love and get married, and have their happily ever after, that’s just not the case in today’s society. More often than not I’ve seen dating apps result in casual hookups rather than long-term relationships.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend, so in order to “put myself out there” again, I started going on tinder. Now, let’s be real here: I wasn’t looking for a new relationship. I was looking for a rebound. So after spending 95% of my time swiping left these men that came up on my screen, I finally saw one that I thought was cute, swiped right, and saw that we matched. Long story short, we went on a few dates, enjoyed each other’s company, and now I don’t talk to him anymore, the main reason being that we didn’t agree on much.
The guy mentioned in that story had a very short bio on his tinder profile. It read: “Baseball, Fitness, America.” Now I know what you all are thinking — “Nia, you only swiped right because he had America in his bio.” Well yeah, I liked that. But I also wasn’t stuck reading this lengthy description of himself. His tag line, being so short, made me think he was the kind of guy to be direct and to the point, which is something I look for in a person. Furthermore, because I didn’t have much to go on in that bio, I wanted to talk to him and see what else he liked besides baseball and fitness. It got me interested because I had to search for more information about him.
The article “Eureka! Scientists Decode the Best Online Dating Profiles” states that researchers found that long, somewhat detailed biographies are the most effective in getting someone’s attention, but I beg to differ. Maybe that approach works for older generations who want to know what they’re getting themselves into before they meet up with a person, but for younger users, there isn’t the patience or attention span to read such a lengthy piece. Even more, they suggest that you include group pictures on your profile to show that you can be the center of attention around people because somehow that means you’re powerful. Again, maybe that’s how that is processed in an older mind, but I know myself and friends my age think the complete opposite.
Many Tinder users often talk about unwritten Tinder rules that everyone should follow, and boy, are there a lot of them. But the relevant ones right now are related to pictures and your biography. Nothing annoys a Tinder user more than getting to a profile that is all for pictures and then being unable to figure out who the user even is. And boys, you may think that every photo of you with your sports team or your friends is interesting, and we will take our sweet time trying to figure out which one you are, but I promise you, you’re wrong. If I have to spend more than seven seconds trying to figure out which person the profile belongs to, I’m swiping left. You could be Prince Harry of England, and that rule still applies to you. In the same sense, I’m not going to spend 30 seconds scrolling and reading every word of your loquacious headline. I don’t care about the quotes from your favorite musician or any funny stories you decide to tell in that space. Write a quick intro, and save the stories for when we match and you need something to talk about. Take a look at the example below of people who Tinder wrong.
There is one more step to obeying the underwritten “Tinder Rules for Success”, and that, my friends, is to have a simple, contrite, possibly comical first message. You’ve got my attention for about 3 lines of a text bubble, but I’m not reading past that. But within those 3 lines, one has a lot of freedom. You can use those 3 lines to tell me “hello” or ask how I am. Or you can use a pick-up that walks the thin, thin line between hysterical and overbearing. The examples below show a good use of that take on the 3 lines.
Younger dating app users are all about instant gratification and quick knowledge. So in the future, don’t spend twenty minutes trying to come up with a clever bio that includes a history of your and every interest you have. Write the most basic description of yourself, include photos that are obviously what you look like, and just do it live.