“Friends Forever” — Is it Still Possible in Adulthood?
When we were young, conversation starters were effortless and making friends seemed like the easiest thing to do. As we grow older though, it becomes clear that it’s going to take more than exchanging a few words to form a strong bond with someone.
We form different friendships at various stages of our lives, and it is well-documented that surrounding yourself with good friends improves our mental and physical health, as well as lowers our stress levels. In turn, this leads to a boost in one’s overall happiness.
Research has shown that it takes 50 hours to build a casual friendship, 90 hours to turn that into a real friendship, and 200 hours before you can call someone a close friend. That’s a lot of time to invest in a friendship, and it’s easier to achieve such outcomes when we’re put in situations where we naturally meet and interact with others daily, typically during our schooling years. However, this grows harder as we inevitably reach our adult years.
Why is it more difficult to make friends as an adult?
For many of us, reaching adulthood means having more responsibilities, with work and family obligations taking precedence in our schedules. As we build our careers and invest in our families or romantic relationships, many of us find it hard to make time for our existing circles of friends, much less to meet new people and forge meaningful connections.
Despite these difficulties, many adults have expressed that they’re willing to take up new activities in an attempt to make new friends, such as joining social mixers and networking groups, and that they’d still warmly welcome new companionships into their life on top of maintaining a good relationship with their current friends. If you feel the same way, keep reading for pointers to help you forge and maintain friendships that will hopefully last forever.
1. Expand your existing social circles
Start with the lowest hanging fruits. When it comes to making new friends, you don’t necessarily have to be the most outgoing person in the room, but you do have to put yourself out there more and be open to new experiences. Have a work colleague you enjoy the company of? A previous close friend you’re wondering about when you came across their recent social media post? Those are the people who are ripe for you to build a connection.
Platonic: How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make and Keep Friends serves as a helpful guide on understanding your attachment style; secure, anxious or avoidant, which Dr Marisa G. Franco explains is the key to unlocking what works in your friendships and what doesn’t. The book also attempts to answer the question of how we’re supposed to forge new bonds when we lead such busy lives, with the author strongly believing that making new friends is possible at any age, even in an era of distraction, burnout and chaos.
Get the book here: Physical Book, eBook
2. Join a club or interest group
Whether it is reading, wellness, digital media, sustainability, or arts, there’s an interest group for everything. Looking up and joining one is a sure-fire way to finding like-minded individuals who share the same passions and hobbies as yourself.
For a start, be sure to check out our variety of LearnX communities and Reading communities! For the avid readers with a busier schedule than others, Reading Allowed, a book club happening monthly at library@orchard, takes away the stress of having to read and finish the selected book beforehand, allowing participants to take turns reading during the session. This way, everyone is on the same page and can contribute to the discussions throughout.
3. Cultivate meaningful, long-lasting friendships
As important as it is to make new friends, it’s just as crucial to build up on those friendships, especially with the right people. Regular commitment, consistency and communication are some of the biggest aspects when it comes to maintaining strong friendships, such as finding regular times to meet up and lending support to them when they need it. Some other factors include exhibiting the curiosity to learn and understand more about your friends, giving them positive affirmations and being more vulnerable with them.
In Friends: Understanding the Power of Our Most Important Relationships, world-renowned psychologist Robin Dunbar delves deeper into the psychology and behavioural mechanisms that influence friendships and make these relationships possible. Combining science with relatable examples, this book looks at how big of an influence the number and quality of friends we have has on our happiness and health, the way different types of friendships intersect with one another, as well as the complexities of making and keeping friends.
Get the book here: Physical Book
While formalised structures such as school and interest groups helped us bond with others when we were younger, forging new friendships and strengthening existing ones in adulthood may not come as naturally. As you try out these three pointers, don’t think of them as a leap to put yourself out there. Instead, treat it as an exercise in reaffirming your values, interests, and what (and who) are important to you. Figure that out and friendships should follow.
