What Is My Child Really Thinking: A Mental Note on Children’s Day
This Friday, it’s all about the kids; yup, get set for Children’s Day in Singapore! Celebrated annually in October, it’s a chance for children to let loose and have fun for a day.
Kids are our happy pill, but it’s not uncommon to see parents screaming at their child who drops everything just to watch a cat resting along the sidewalk. Sometimes, children may experience major outbursts without reasons we can think of. These experiences often leave us to wonder what makes them do the things they do; what’s really going on in their minds?
What’s Going On in My Little One’s Mind?
As children develop language capabilities later in their infancy, they rely on sounds, gestures and facial expressions to get their point across. It’s not always easy to understand these nonverbal cues, especially if you are a first-time parent. Before you break down from trying to survive your toddler’s tantrums and lose it all, just remember these tips from these four books.
In Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s highly acclaimed book, The Whole-Brain Child, they wrote:
“The moments you’re just trying to survive are actually opportunities to help your child thrive.”
If your children are fighting with each other for the third time in a row within the last five minutes, try looking at this as an opportunity to guide them on how to deal with disagreements differently. Instead of breaking up the fight and giving them a timeout, use this argument as an example of how they can practice and put themselves in someone else’s shoes. This transformative experience not only helps you as the parent to understand your children’s emotional needs and mental states, but also develops their character and interpersonal skills.
Parent, Teacher, Playmate
Being a parent can be an overwhelming experience. Parents have to wear multiple hats all at once — fulfilling the role as a provider, but also being their teacher and playmate. How then do you juggle the different responsibilities of parenting, teaching and being a best friend?
Communicating feelings is an integral component of nurturing your children through these different roles you play. Psychologist Sandra Wartski explained that parents who speak with children about their feelings help their children develop emotional intelligence so they can understand their own and other people’s feelings more thoroughly (read her full article here).
In her book, Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, Rebecca Eanes wrote that in parenting our kids, the end goal is not to get children to behave but to foster an emotional connection that helps kids learn self-discipline, feel confident, and create lasting, loving bonds.
It’s through these lessons that children learn how to adapt to different situations and regulate their emotions without suffering an outburst. It is to equip the children with a set of skills that enables them, even as they mature, to respond appropriately to unpredictable circumstances and their own feelings.
The Tiger Mum and the Elephant Mum
There is no one size fits all solution as to how you should parent your kids, but here are some tips we learnt to help you find a balance that best fits you and your child.
The Tiger Mum and Elephant Mum are essentially from opposite ends of a spectrum. While Tiger mums are generally perceived to be more authoritative and demanding, Elephant mums are better known to adopt a more nurturing stance when it comes to upbringing.
Tiger parenting comes with an emphasis on all-rounded excellence, from academics to extracurricular activities like sports and music. Such achievements are perceived to help children to continue to be high-performing in later stages of their life.
“…we can ask more of children than we typically do, and they will not only respond to the challenge, but thrive.” — Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother
However, this dynamic is driven by the parents’ conflation of their children’s success as their own success as parents. On the flip side, Elephant parenting focuses on emotional security and connection, prioritising protection and responsiveness to their children’s needs.
Recent studies have found that being too authoritative in our parenting style, to the point of becoming intrusive, can be psychologically damaging to children and may cause anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Other studies have also shown that Elephant parenting, sometimes viewed as “permissive parenting”, eventually translates to misbehaviours because of the lack of boundaries and rules.
Invest in Building a Relationship
Working from home as the new normal may bring with it the possibility for families to mistakenly revel in what they deem to be “family time”. But “quantity time” does not equate to “quality time”.
Time flies and children grow extremely quickly, so take this chance to create experiences and memories that will last a lifetime. Going on a field trip and dabbling in art projects are great ways to distance your kids (and yourself!) from gadgets and develop a deeper relationship with them. Go forth with your little ones, see the world through their eyes, and observe, listen and ask questions! You may just learn a thing or two.
If you are interested in the books mentioned in this article, check them out below:
From left to right:
The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind — Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson | Physical Copy, eBook
Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide — Rebecca Eanes | Physical Copy, eBook
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother — Amy Chua | Physical Copy, eBook
Family Field Trip: Explore Art, Food, Music, and Nature with Kids — Erin Austen Abbott| Physical Copy, eBook, Audiobook
We publish our articles on our social media channels. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram to get the latest updates on our stories.
-
Text by
National Reading Movement
National Library Board
