Are You Neglecting Self-Care?
You take care of others, but are you taking care of yourself?
A review of a self-care study by Katherine E. Dorociak, Patricia A Rupert, Fred B Byrant, and Evan Zahniser was published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology (2017, vol 64). They defined self-care as “a multidimensional, multifaced process of purposeful engagement in strategies that promote healthy functioning and enhance well-being.” That’s a lot of words to say, taking care of yourself is essential and takes a lot of work in different areas.
With all the additional stressors added to our lives lately, self-care is more vital than before. Too often, we (women in particular) are so busy taking care of everyone else; we neglect to carve out time to take care of us. Ironically, with the changes in lifestyle we’ve all partaken in, we now have time to take care of things we’ve been neglecting. Why not use some of it to take care of us?
Self-care is more than making time to use the bathroom alone. It involves several domains in life. Some we neglect more than others.
Stress affects us in various ways. It can lead to burn-out, not only with our jobs but in relationships too. We get exhausted by it in other parts like physical well being, mental acuity, and Spirituality as well. Each of these places in us needs some attention to keep us strong.
Physical Self-Care
To keep your car’s engine running at its optimum level, you fill it with the right grade of gasoline. Do you do the same thing to your body? Are you keeping up with doctors’ appointments and taking your prescribed medicines regularly?
What about food fuel? How are you doing with that? Stress makes some people binge eat. It can make others crave comforting junk food, like ice cream sundaes, or chocolate cake, even Chicago style pizza or Buffalo chicken wings. Want some mashed potatoes or fries with that?
Comfort food might give you a temporary feeling of happiness, but its more prolonged effects leave you less than satisfied. Binge if you must, but do so on healthy options.
Stress is a known sleep preventer. Yet your body depends on you to get adequate amounts nightly. One excellent way to ensure you get enough is to exercise daily, but not before bedtime. If nothing else, walk or run, ride a bike several times a day. Those are great ways to end a workday and prep your body for a meal. Nothing can kickstart a day, or pep up the mind like a brisk walk or yoga. Yoga is also a beneficial way to relax before bed to help you sleep.
Mental Self-Care
There’s a tight connection between mind and body. Caring for one, but neglecting the other offsets the work you do in one area. Working on both is best.
How stimulating are your activities mentally, that is? Do they challenge you, or can you do them with no thought? If you’re not getting enough mental exercise, you’re not promoting the production of good hormones. Increasing serotonin and dopamine levels in your system puts obstacles in the way for anxieties to take root in your mind. Physical exercise will increase your good hormone production. In turn, higher “feel good” vibes give you the push to do that 5000 piece solid colored puzzle you got for a Christmas present. More robust mental health builds self- confidence, which leads to better self-compassion and acceptance.
What are other ways to improve your mental well-being? Read a book in a different genre.
Take an online class in a subject you’ve always wanted to learn.
Watch a documentary or a movie that engages your mind.
If your mind is feeling overtaxed, then get mindless. Lose yourself in a comedy show. Lay outside and look at the clouds. Re-read your favorite childhood story.
Relaxing your mind can also strengthen it and up your feeling right level.
Emotional Self-Care
It seems that more of us are struggling with anxiety, sadness, and anger than in the past. Quarantining, isolation, teleworking, homeschooling, have caused anxiousness in those who typically feel little of it. Not handling these emotional issues can lead to having mental ones, such as depression.
The good news is a lot of us are in this boat, and we can paddle it together. Talking with a friend or your life partner about how your worries get those concerns in the open. Emotions expressed, rather than, internalized lets you hear them. When heard, they can be acknowledged, then addressed. Your listener needs to understand you’re not looking for them to fix things, only to listen to you vent. Granted, you may not be able to do anything about your anxiety over possible job loss immediately. At least you will have declared this is what bothers me. The problem is now stated and ready to be dealt with in a reasonable productive manner.
Anxieties are nothing more than emotional fears. Fears can be harnessed and brought under control. Expressing them is one way to do this.
Set aside time to do nothing, read a book, work on a puzzle, or to share a glass of wine with a friend. Put down the emotional bags you are carrying for a few minutes. If the minutes turn into hours, who’s going to complain? We know our bodies need to rest, so you sleep. Our emotions need to nap also. So let them by doing anything that takes your mind off the stress of the day.
Social Self-Care
How often have you said to someone, “We need to get together,” and then didn’t make firm plans to do it? Life gets busy. There’s work to do. Kids, houses, spouses, to take care of, and before we know it, the time has flown again.
We forget that relationships, like kids, houses, and spouses, must be cared for as well. It’s essential to commit time to be with your friends, family, partners. You may be thinking I will as soon as lockdown is over. There’s no reason to wait. If you’re a mom, hang a sign on your bedroom door that says, “Mom is off duty,” and video chat with your girlfriends. In a dating relationship where being together in person is not happening easily, face time on laptops can. Play a game. I spy is a great one. Look around the place they are, pick something, describe it, and they have to guess what you see. Building a connection is what bonds relationships.
In the UK, several villages shared a way to have a meal with your mother on Mother’s Day. Several pubs offered to deliver meals to a family, and their mothers, at the same time. With the aid of technology, families were able to gather to celebrate. It’s an idea that’s workable in our country. Call a restaurant that delivers. Have one delivered to your house, and arrange for one to go to a family member like mom. Or plan with your siblings to share mealtime together at a virtual table.
Dating couples, this is a unique way to romance your lover and win brownie points. Just a thought.
Spiritual Self-Care
Researchers from the London School of Economics and the Erasmus University Medical Center in the Netherlands conducted a survey in 2015 that concluded the only social activity related to sustained happiness was religious participation.
Dr. William McCann, PsyD, is a psychotherapist who specializes in family and community medicine in Winston-Salem, NC. He stated, “Spirituality and organized religion encourage social engagement.” being a in a group or spiritual community “can reduce the risk for depression, whether it’s a yoga class or a church group.”
Walking, praying, meditating, can help boost your immune system, says New York-based researcher and author Kelly Turner, PhD. “it’s not what people believe in, but whether they practice daily that makes a difference. When you are in deep prayer or meditation, your fight or flight response goes off, and your rest and repair turns on.”
Spirituality provides an anchor in a storm to keep you centered and rooted in the idea that all things pass.
As Julien of Norwich said, “All will be well. All will be well. Every manner of thing will be well.”
A Personal Self-Care Plan
Self-Care plans don’t come in a one size fits all way. You’ll have to make one for yourself.
Look at the five areas discussed above. Ask yourself, what areas do you lack in doing? Has isolation kept you from talking with your friends or family? Is telecommuting making you feel alone? Are you feeling unenergized, too energized? Have you gone from watching what you eat to eating what you see?
Make a critical self-assessment, then decide how you plan to change things to take better care of yourself.
Cars need routine maintenance. Heating and cooling units need regular servicing to operate effectively.
Humans are no different. Schedule yourself some self-care. No one else can make it happen.
