Stress Management

Are You Part of the Stressed Out Over-40 ‘Sandwich Generation’?

Squished on both sides by drama?

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“You’re cheaper than a therapist AND I’ve built great legs!”

That’s a genuine quote from a client at my training studio.

Even though I help folks over 40 to get in shape, over the years I’ve realized they’re getting something else for free — a detached listener.

You see, the levels of stress we experience after 40 surprised me.

I’m 47 and imagined by this age I’d have life all figured out, with low levels of stress, because:

• my 3 kids would be older, so surely my home life would be less chaotic;
• I’d be doing well career-wise, so no existential worries;
• I’d be doing OK financially, so no money stress.

All those things are actually true, and yet…

I find myself part of the Sandwich Generation, squished between two large pieces of Drama Bread:

• Teenage Kids
• An Ageing Parent

Two groups of people who have no interest in your logical, sensible solutions to their relentless, and often self-inflicted, drama because you are somehow simultaneously too old AND too young.

How I Slowly Become Clients’ Cheap, Unqualified Therapist

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During the first couple of months when I’m training a new client, most of the chat between exercises is on:

• technique
• fatigue
• aches/pains/twinges

I want these people to fall in love with exercise and feel confident working out.

But eventually they basically know what they’re doing. Calling out cues for good squatting technique becomes unnecessary.

So we chat.

It starts off with generic weather, weekend plans, our kids doing XYZ, work is busy, vacations, small talk stuff.

But I have some clients who stay with me longer, even though they know as much as they’ll ever need to about exercise. They say:

You’re more expensive than a gym but I won’t go to the gym so you’re stuck with me.

They come to feel like my studio is a kind of Safe Space for chatting about whatever is stressing them out.

They feel comfortable doing so because they know I’ll have no strong opinions. I won’t argue that they shouldn’t have said that thing to their husband/wife/boss.

I will just be supportive and add my 2 cents.

After all, my goal is for them to have lower stress so they can get in shape, and part of that is allowing them to unload.

Over the years, I have heard about:

• extra-marital affairs
• sleepless nights worrying about sick parents
• which of their kids is pissing them off this week
• why they hate their job/boss
• why their partner is an asshole
• cancer diagnoses that they aren’t telling anyone else about
• pregnancies they haven’t told anyone else about yet, either.

They have the inevitable stress of their own lives, relationships, careers and health… while being sandwiched between ageing parents and older kids.

Why You Need A Detached Listener

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If you feel part of this Sandwich Generation then I can empathize — I’m in the middle of my own sandwich too:

• My one remaining parent, my Dad in his late 70s, whose hips, hearing, and memory are all starting to go;
• My 3 teenage kids whose hearing and memory also seem problematic as they can’t remember anything I’ve said.

Plus, my body and my wife’s are starting to be assholes too. I know all this can be a lot to deal with.

And on the one hand, we can’t control the tidal wave of sh*t that comes our way on a weekly basis — good luck stopping your kids’ dramas or Father Time affecting your parents’ mental and physical health.

But on the other hand, we CAN learn to ride the waves of sh*t a little better, so we have time and energy to take care of our own mental and physical health.

And this brings us back to the Detached Listener — you need one.

Guys usually suck at this, but I am very lucky to have a couple of great friends who give me the same outlet to vent as I offer to my clients between sets.

• No judgement
• Not trying to fix things
• Just some words of advice (mainly over a couple of pints of Guinness) and support and great listening skills

That’s what I recommend you get too.

Don’t keep your stresses and feelings bottled up; you’ll drive yourself crazy.

Admittedly your Listener may not also help you get great legs too like I have with my clients ;-)

But they WILL help you stop feeling like a sandwich filling being ever more squished by 2 massive pieces of Family Drama Bread.

Over 40, fed up and out of shape — get free access to my Programs Vault (40+ friendly programs for diet, workouts and healthy lifestyle) and you’ll be subscribed to my weekly newsletter too!