Closure is Overrated
We don’t need permission to move on.
In the name of needing answers, we can become gluttons for punishment. We go back to the same people, and allow them many different opportunities to inflict upon us similar heartbreak. This idea of needing closure, insisting on a finite end to the matter keeps us from moving forward with our lives as we remain psychologically bound to people who have likely already given us ample cause to cut the cord.
The irony is, we often go in search of closure hoping that we don’t get it. What we really want is for that person to tell us that they still love us, don’t want to lose us, have changed their minds or otherwise object to going separate ways. We want repair. We’re holding the door open hoping they come back. When they don’t, with reluctance we go to close it but poke our heads in to make absolutely sure it’s what the other person wants.
For some reason, being treated poorly, abandoned and left to feel unwanted isn’t enough. We have to know, “why?” As though it matters. We’re compelled to double-check on whether or not the relationship is over, even though this fact has been repeatedly solidified by behavior. We need to hear what’s already been shown.
Especially in cases where everything felt healthy, happy, and genuine — we get stuck in a limbo, struggling to understand how it all went wrong and…
