Do You Know Your Worth?
Once you do, you’ll humbly flaunt it. Here’s how.
Hello fellow human. If you’re reading this, you’re worthy. Maybe you already know that. Or maybe you’re totally clueless and constantly questioning what it is you’re doing on this grand ole’ planet we call Earth.
I’m writing for the tired and weary and wavering as much as I’m writing for the cocky and arrogant and self-aggrandizing souls. After all, we are all striving for something similar, arent we?
At the end of the day, all of us unique, complex, needy human beings are seeking the same thing.
What is it all of us very different souls have in common, you might ask, my dear friends?
Why the need for validation, of course.
We all need validation sometimes, right?
You know the kind: the you’re awesome just because you exist in human form kind of validation all humans seek daily.
The know your worth quandary isn’t just a quandary of the super insecure.
It’s a sentient being quandary. Even my cat feels it (when she’s not being all aloof and too good for human contact, that is).
I think we all have a core fear of abandonment. The therapist in me knows we are all fucked up to the core (yes, even my cat has her issues). At some point along the way someone didn’t give us what we needed when we needed it most, and our whole inner being quaked. When mom or dad ignored our screams for milk or the babysitter let us watch the scary movie that gave us nightmares for a year, it cracked a hole the size of a cavern in our oh so delicate psyches, making us need others to validate our safety and security more than ever.
This life thing is kind of a gamble, right?
One moment we have all the love and support we need — and then suddenly, in one fell swoop we lose our job, or our partner cheats on us, or our kid gets bullied, or our car breaks down in the middle of a snowstorm. It’s those all the sudden moments that shake us to our core, making us feel like a crying infant in an empty room. Alone. Abandoned. Uncared for. Unsafe.
We all feel unheard, unloved, even unwanted sometimes. We’ve all felt like that crying infant in an empty room.
But thankfully, unlike the infant, most grown humans are not completely dependent on other unreliable caretakers to meet our every need.
I’ve figured out the secret to meeting our every inner need.
Pssst, come here. Got a hot minute?
It’s this thing called inner faith. It comes in hints and whispers throughout the day. It feels like gut instincts and intuitive goads.
It’s the stuff your infant self was made of, but didn’t have the independence to act on.
The secret involves telling your inner adult it ain’t a baby anymore — on REPEAT!
Broken records work well for our inner infant, who excels at wailing endlessly. The same mantra on repeat in monotone is like a soothing lullaby to the exhausted baby’s delicate ears. Mantras like: You’re safe. You’re supported by life. You’re not alone. Your instincts are right on. You’ve got this — are a salve to a cry weary soul.
How to milk the secret to remind you: You’re worthy
(Pun totally intended.)
We grown humans are lucky, are we not?
It took me decades (like four of them) to figure out that I can get my own damn milk when I want it.
I’ve realized, I want milk (dairy-free preferred) and lots of it. When I finally realized I could soothe my own wails with the milk of my choice (yes, I’d need a car with a full enough tank of gas and the will to drive to the grocery store), I did one of those laughing cries — you know the ones? I think I half Irish-jigged down my driveway (heck, maybe even in the parking lot on my way into the crunchy hippie milk store) with tears of joy and pain streaming down my face. The moment I realized I was the master of my own worthiness was as complex as it was simple for my human heart to process.
The moment I realized my own worth was the moment I started to validate my own needs.
My needs were no longer on the backburner. My old people-pleasing self was no longer playing second fiddle to the endless needs of others. If I was hungry, I would eat. If I was tired or overwhelmed, I would rest. If I was craving connection, I would reach out and ask for support.
The moment I realized my own worth was the moment I started to walk away from bullshit (and unfortunately bullshit is an ongoing player on the stage of life). If I said yes (if is the keyword, because I was learning to say no and mean it) to new opportunities, then I jumped in with an err of caution and took my time feeling things out. When things didn’t work out the way I’d hoped, instead of embracing my old pattern of beating myself up for making what I used to call a mistake, I began to build myself up for what I now called an empowered choice that just didn’t pan out the way I hoped it would. My inner voice shifted from the punitive critic to the loving nurturer.
Even today, years after making my big inner shift, most of my friends would look at me and my life and outwardly say I haven’t changed a bit. But my bestie (aka my inner voice) knows I have changed tremendously — on the inside.
How do you gauge that you know your worth and you’re flaunting it?
That inner voice (some call it self-talk) changes its tune.
It goes from nasty to heartfelt in the switch of a dial. Suddenly those Am I loved? Am I cared for? Do they like me? thoughts vanquish into the ethers of self-compassion. You become your number one fan and top cheerleader. Your inner asshole of a voice becomes a holy saint that wants nothing more than to build up what it used to tirelessly try and knockdown.
You start to say no and mean it.
No more people-pleasing just because you want to be liked. You realize you have the affection of the most important person in your universe — the love of your very precious self. You become loyal to your needs. You validate your feelings simply by acknowledging them. You know just breathing and justifies your enoughness, and the rest of your awesome actions are the icing on the cake of your one sweet life. When you say no, you do so with a level of self-love that makes jaws drop. “That human knows what they need and they aren’t afraid to ask for it. I want to be like them.” Your no becomes music to the ears of all that hear it — simply because it’s stated with a voice of self-worth.
You start growing the greenest grass around.
When you stop envying others you know you’ve nourished yourself with some good self-love juice. Flaunting your worth looks like abundance, internally and externally. It feels grounded and whole and fulfilling. It tastes like the life you’ve always dreamed of living. It shows up in good sleep and a healthy body, life-giving, supportive relationships, fulfilling work and so much more. What you have is suddenly enough, because you’re enough. Suddenly you become the object of envy. People want not what you have, but what you emit.
When you know your worth, you don’t need to flaunt it.
Self-worth flaunts itself. It sends out ripples of inspiration to all those that cross your path. And if they become jealous and bitter towards you? Then give them a taste of the medicine that cured you. Validate their lovely human existence with all the love your worthy soul can muster.
This world can’t be healed by self-hating souls.
Start honoring your worth, one small need at a time.
The flaunting will happen in its quiet, humble, seductively magnetic kind of way.
That’s how we change the fucking world.