Do You Need to Forgive Your Abuser to Heal?

Short answer: Oh hell no

Can we just get something out of the way right from the start?

Stop telling victims of abuse that they need to forgive their abusers!

Whew. That felt good. I don’t use exclamation points often, but nothing else will do when speaking about a subject that has re-victimized and re-traumatized so many who have already suffered enough.

I want to clarify that I’m not going to the other extreme and saying that forgiveness can’t include the one who hurt you. But your healing and eventual emotional freedom are NOT dependent on it no matter what any other well-intentioned, possibly self-righteous and know-it-all busybody may tell you.

Okay, now I’ll exhale.

The fact is, I can’t help but end with those exclamation points, use all caps, and drop f-bombs where necessary (wait for it) when continually witnessing the damage caused when a victim of abuse is told that their freedom is dependent on forgiving their abuser.

Because this is fucking bullshit.

We’ve all heard it a million times: Forgiving the one who brought you harm will set you free. Forgiveness will prevent you from being…