Don’t Should on Me

Letting go of someone else’s expectations led me to the life I want

I grew up in a world of “shoulds.”

“You should clean up your room every day.”

“You should set aside prayer time every day.”

“You should save 10% of everything you earn.”

“You should finish everything you start.”

“You should always be polite.”

“You should dream big.”

“You should have concrete goals.”

There’s a lot of wisdom in these “shoulds” and a lot of pressure, as well. By the time I was 23, I had a distinct image in my head that symbolized the progress I was making on becoming the “best” version of myself. The image was a paper doll outline, and every time I felt I accomplished a “should” I mortared in a little brick. The bricks started at the feet and made their way up.

I lived with this image in my head for years and managed to brick my way up to just about mid-chest level. There, the bricks stopped. Every so often, I would try to add a new brick only to discover that it somehow disappeared the next…