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Don’t Try to Change Someone’s Mind. Understand Them Instead

Empathy is the new mindfulness because it makes meaningful connections instantly.

Photo by Zac Durant on Unsplash

Once you remove the word “should” from your conversation vocabulary, you sound less judgmental. You become less intimidating and more approachable.

Even if you’re an introvert with a terrible social battery, having positive people around is a win-win for all of us.

I stopped using the word “should” in my conversations with people because it stems from the narrative we want to project on other people. It comes from the cancer attitude of self-righteousness.

We all have friends who can’t breathe without having the last word. Although it feels like quitting the conversation, I handle the situation differently by letting them speak their heart to understand their point of view.

When someone is beginning to be vulnerable to you, it’s because they trust you and hope that you’re an understanding person who is a good listener.

Our ego won’t let us be good listeners because it always wants us to be correct all the time.

But acting from a place of empathy not only improves your relationship with people. It also has a positive impact on your well-being.

Here are three ways understanding is the new mindfulness to make meaningful social connections because our happiness depends on who we surround ourselves with.

#1. It shows you’re a good listener.

Practising active listening is curiosity on steroids. It shows you’re ready to admit you can be wrong and are determined to expand your perspective.

Good listeners are terrific conversationalists because they’re not dying to dominate the conversation by having the last word. Instead, they seek new knowledge from the discussion.

Being a good listener makes people feel comfortable around you because you’re letting the second person unload their thoughts.

And when they start sharing their deepest insecurities that they would only share with a therapist, it builds a strong relationship that is a blessing for your well-being too.

#2. Problem-solving is a revered trait.

Life rewards problem solvers by throwing more problems at them.

When you see a human who combines problem-solving with a shared sense of humour and loves doing laundry, marry them.

An understanding person is a people magnet, not because they have answers to all the questions, but because they don’t stick in the complainer mindset forever.

Going from the complacent phase to the solution-driven stage is difficult if you can’t burn your biases to develop an objective angle.

But once you separate your assumptions to look at the problem for what it really is, the solution-driven mindset is a win-win for everyone.

Life rewards problem solvers by throwing more problems at them.

#3. It shows you respect people independent of their status.

Kindness isn’t loud. It shows in your attitude.

How you treat a person who can’t do any favour to you is a litmus test of your character. For example, behaving with the waiter at a restaurant when he accidentally slips water on your thighs ( especially when you wear a white dress ).

An understanding person is kind to everyone because of how we’re built.

If you snark at someone behind their back, no one will trust you because they probably think you have a pattern of doing it for everyone. Does it remind you of someone familiar? I hope it’s not your alter-ego.

Closing thoughts.

No one is immune to judgments because the person lashing it is doing so to satisfy their ego. And ego is a tricky beast to tame.

Although it sounds irrational to show kindness when most people don’t reciprocate your attitude, but once you behave like an understanding person, you slowly repel negativity from your life and only attract people who uplift your spirit.

It’s the weird way the Law of Attraction works. Kindness rewards you in multiple ways by helping you make memorable connections and establishing you as a source of positive emotions.

If you have ever put a smile on someone’s face by simply being an excellent listener, you’re already doing a great job at making the world a better place than you found.

Here is a recap for your memory:

  1. Empathy makes you a good listener.
  2. Problem-solving attitude has zero cons.
  3. Understanding nature is a litmus test of your character.

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Sanjeev is a mentor, writer, and fitness enthusiast from India. He writes about lifelong learning, personal growth, and positive psychology. When he’s not engaging with students in solving their doubts or busy writing, he’s sweating either in a workout, vlogging, or playing with his cat, Jim. You can also find him on Instagram and Twitter.



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Sanjeev Yadav

Writer • Mentor • Recovering Shopaholic • IITR 2019 • ✍🏼 Personal Growth, Positive Psychology & Lifelong Learning• IG: sanjeevai • List: