Forgive me.

Learning lessons from the age of 14 to 21, has been a life-sustaining phenomenon. Like all the vital functioning of the human body, learning never stopped. And, I didn’t make any conscious efforts to coach myself before taking a dive into the adult’s world.
Shweta, a strong-willed benevolent girl appreciated the beauty of loud-laughter, chilling out and dreaming about living a life that no one amongst her known ones had lived before.
Air-castling was in practice. She squandered her earnings.
“She recalls her dad speaking at length about living life with gratitude and less materialistic possessions”. It was boring. Not paying attention was fun. He used to talk about everything that was of supreme importance, it sounded like a management strategy- collecting data and mastering the right set of skills. It was moulding her into a machine that would function smoothly into 9–6 occupational world.
The story is about me. I am Shweta.
A degree got me a job, I exchanged vows exactly when I was supposed to ask myself If I wanted to be a wife, daughter-in-law or a mother?
I was drowning in a pool of puzzles; consequently, I learnt to swim.
But I stopped living a carefree life. Shunning my inner voice, I began to chant mantras taught by the veterans of my family.
I stopped caring about my likes and dislikes, my preferences took a back seat, and social norms started governing my thought process. It continued until my physical and mental well being began to challenge me.
I was taught to care and think about how society perceives us, I began to act. I thought to sacrifice, and please people would make my life better. No, It didn’t. It never does.
I turned my head towards my family members and my siblings; they were not abiding by any rules and regulations. They all had dual ideologies one to showcase, and another to practice.
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Soon the family began to discuss stress-related disorders. But it was too late. To me, desires and dreams were a part of the post-dinner conversation. My theory of achievement addressed wealth, success and my kid’s each year’s achievement.
Popping up a pill for any disorder was more substantial than changing my overall attitude.
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The family preachers had prioritized their mental peace and financial security, and there I had put my mental wellbeing at stake for the sake of their approval.
I acknowledged it. Then, creating a road map that was in sync with my thoughts and actions was the only way to get my life on track.
I had not taken care of my mental well being. But. Pain is a great reformer.
I had to soften my armour and fill my heart with self-love.
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In the present situation, I am amused at my emotional and temperamental responses towards what I chose to be.
Yeah. I created a life that’s now in sync with my inner self.
Desire and dreams nurture my soul.
At 41, I prefer listening to my intuitive whispers asking- What do I want to do now?
How can I have a fresh start?
Why don’t I take a few days off and visit nature? It heals.
Why don’t I write about the impacts of healthy boundaries in your relationship?
Is it too late?
Haven’t I spent an enormous amount of time aligning myself with the discomforts of life? So what, if I gave birth to a new soul in my existing body.
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When I settle in solitude, the only person I apologize to, is my younger-self. I caused an enormous amount of pain to my soul.
I agreed to run when I wasn’t ready to walk a mile.
I shunned my intuitive voice because I was taught to listen to a man’s voice in the family.
I bow and apologize to my soul.
Do you?
Shweta.
- This story is written in response to a prompt given by Michael Shook.
A story about an incident from your past for which you want to apologize.
Thanks@Michael Shook.

