Four Tips to Build Connections that Do Not Disappoint You
The other person cannot feel the pain unless he goes through it
A teacher can teach you a lesson you may forget after a few days.
But experience will make you internalize the lesson that you will not forget. It shapes your personality.
A few days ago, the lift in my apartment got stuck while I was in it. The horrifying feeling it gave me for a few seconds made me avoid the elevator. When I take the stairs from the third-floor apartment, my neighbors give me a how-stupid-you-are look.
In those few seconds, my entire world crashed. When I abandon the lift, others find it funny. They did not experience my feelings. Hence, my behavior looks unreasonable to them. But whoever has the same fear in life will resonate with me.
Why?
That person shares my painful experience.
It is this simple.
Okay, let me give you another example.
Rosy has a painful experience with her love life. Love means pain to her. Her new life partner is good and handsome. He had never experienced heartbreak. Do you think he will feel the pain of heartbreak when Rosy narrates these stories?
Painful love life has shaped her character, and joyful love life has made her current life partner.
He may be sympathetic, but it will be difficult for him to understand.
Why?
We are human. Unless we go through the same pain, we cannot feel it.
If my best friend breaks her leg, I can understand her pain, but I can never feel the agony, pain, helplessness, and sleepless nights that she goes through.
From my short stint in life so far, a few life lessons I learned have shaped who I am today.
Below are a few of them that can help you to avoid heartbreak (in either work or personal relationship)
1. Before pouring your heart out, listen to that person to understand his mentality
I have noticed a basic pattern in my life. Whenever I face disappointment, I pour my heart out to anybody who enters my life at that moment.
I say everything to him, and after a few days, he finds me irrational.
Later on, I felt double disappointment.
At that time, I thought he was insensitive, but later on, when I calmed down, I felt he was right. It is because he is like that.
I cannot expect everybody to feel and think like me.
It applies to everyone. Not everyone will understand you. So before telling everything about your painful experiences, exercise self-control and know the person.
Does he think like you? If yes, play on the surface level. Later on, you can dig deep.
Understanding human relationships is a life-long process.
2. Practice delayed gratification
You buy a new home, you get a new job, you marry your sweetheart or any other exciting thing you can do.
Wait for a while before celebrating right away.
When you feel the ecstasy for a few months or years, you know you have done the right thing.
After cooking a dish, you show the picture to the whole world. But when you taste it, you find it’s not good.
The major decisions of your life should not happen like this.
In my childhood, when I could answer all the questions correctly in the exam, I often returned home and started jumping with joy and pride.
At that time, my mother often made a serious face and said,
“ Wait till your results are out. First, see your score, then you celebrate.”
At that time, I found her strict. Now I understand she was right.
3. Do an emotional KYC of any new person in your life
In work, validation and numbers matter.
In personal life, understanding and feeling matter. In any close relationship, logic does not play any role.
Before you celebrate that you have found your soulmate, try to know if he feels your feelings.
Don’t choose your life partner or close friend because they are handsome or talented.
Do they understand your feelings?
A soulful relationship (not just a romantic one) cannot survive if you have to justify yourself.
4. Listen to your intuition
How do you feel when you fulfill their simplest but stupid desires?
Where there is unconditional love, there are small desires that mean everything to each other.
Some of these are like the below ones.
- To check if they have locked the door properly.
- Reply over a message that you have woken up.
- Text them that you have reached your workplace safely.
- Assure them over a few words on WhatsApp that you have had your lunch.
When you love them, you feel heaven when you do these simple things to them.
So, check your feelings and intuition.
I have developed a new strategy for talking to new people. In a conversation of 15 minutes, I speak for 5 minutes. For the other 10 minutes, I listen.
It gives me the time to know the mentality of the person. After a few days of conversation, I speak more if I feel the person thinks like me. This way, I have more control over not feeling bad.
What piece of advice resonates most for you to put into use?
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