Grieve The Loss of The Narcissist But Not Before You Have Let Go

Letting go of someone you love with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

When my husband was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) 20 months ago, I was still in love with him. Perverse yes. But I was of the not-uncommon misconception amongst spouses of narcissists, that he was a deeply bruised and muddled person that just needed love to be healed.

We’ve heard that old chestnut before right? The battered wife who thinks ‘if I just love him a bit harder, if I just give him more of myself, maybe he will change, maybe he will be happier.’

If only.

We are now divorced, co-parenting our beautiful little girl who is 3 years old.

Together for 11, married for 3, when the diagnosis came it literally crashed into me like a 4x4 careering into my side at full throttle. I was thrown into the air where I floated in disbelief before diving headfirst into the concrete, my world tumbling down along with my body and mind. I was in a physical and psychic pain that words cannot describe.

I read the personality test report together with my ex-husband and therapist in the very same room at the very same time. Although the words Narcissistic Personality Disorder were omitted from the document I knew what the words…