Hanging up on Abuse
Ending the call does not make you the bad guy.
Working at a call center was a different sort of experience.
One fall, after moving back to my hometown I got a job at a call center close by. I had been scrambling to find some sort of employment and it was getting close to Christmas which was a busy time so the company was going through a hiring frenzy. I wasn’t excited to do it but I needed some sort of work so my wife and (at the time) 3 kids didn’t starve. We also did not want to have to move back in with my parents forever.
My parents shared that desire.
Even though I hated that job, it was a job so I kept working at it until I was able to secure something a little more stead and that I could enjoy a little more, at least for a while.
Answering phones, I never knew who was going to be calling. The customer may have been wanting to place an order, or yell and scream about the condition or whereabouts of their merchandise.
When I recall my time at this job I always remember one particularly angry customer.
I don’t remember exactly why he was upset. It may have been his items were not going to be delivered by Christmas. Possibly he was denied sufficient credit to purchase the items he wanted. It could have been that the delivery service had lost his packages.
Whatever the reason, he was irate. He started out with demands to get his items to him, which was completely out of my hands. I checked our systems letting him know the information all the information I had in our systems.
Then the personal attacks started.
He began to tell me I was terrible at my job and that I needed to find a new one. (I resisted the urge to agree with him and let him know I was in the process of trying to take his advice.) He also let me know I was a worthless human being.
That’s not an exaggeration. Those were his actual words.
After a while of taking these verbal beatings while still trying to keep my own cool and help him, he began to cuss me out. It was then I remembered and utilized some of my training.
I was told during orientation that if someone would not calm down or would not heed advice to watch their language it was completely within my right as an employee to hang up on the customer.
So I did.
My next caller was a sweet old lady who was concerned about how I lived in Missouri and wanted to make sure I was nowhere near the events happening in Ferguson, MO (that gives you a timeframe for this story).
Why can’t we hang up on people in our real lives as well?
Isn’t it interesting that while at a job we can be told we don’t have to put up with abusive-type behavior; but then, in our day to day lives we get told exactly the opposite?
Someone, over the course of 10 years, can cuss you or your spouse out, and you get told by family and friends you just need to overlook that behavior.
“They’re going through a hard time. You have to just move past that.”
Someone can repeatedly lie to you, con you out of money, actually physically harm others that you love and still you are told, “Oh that’s just so and so. [insert some sort of lame excuse for that behavior.]
There are times in our lives when the right thing to do is to “hang up” on those abusive people.
Deciding to hang up is not an easy choice.
Nor, should it be.
It’s a decision that hurts and the consequences hurt too.
One reason people put up with the abuse and abuser for so long is that we genuinely love the person.
They “apologize.”
They go through periods of good behavior.
We see the potential for growth in them.
Yet, again and again over the years, there is just a pattern of toxic behavior which has never gone away.
For the sake of yourself and other close loved ones the most healthy and loving action a person can take is stepping away.
Heartache and tears are not signs of a wrong decision.
When we decide to cut out the abuse and abuser, it is going to hurt. Cutting doesn’t take place without bleeding.
The wound can be made worse when others don’t agree with your decision. They feel you are being hasty in your choice to have no dealings with the toxic person.
But a choice that has taken years to make is the opposite of hasty.
Some will treat you as if you are the one with the problem.
Ignore them and surround yourself with others who are supportive and who will encourage you.
There is also a peace that happens knowing that toxicity is no longer a part of your life.
Even in the face of the doubt of others and your own heartache, there is peace.
The peace that comes with freedom.
As a husband, I have a certain obligation to my wife above all others. If she feels threatened, then I must do all I can to protect her. Wives have a responsibility to support and guard their husbands as well.
And as a father, I need to keep my children safe from threats. I’m not talking about keeping from ever skinning their knees. I mean when I hear someone being verbally abusive to their own kids, that person does not get to be around mine.
When I know someone has been physically abusive (beating, lashing out, or sexually) that person gets no access to my children, even if they have been a close friend or are blood relatives.
Knowing I am guarding my family, I find peace.
Change is possible.
And maybe one day the individual will change. If that happens, reconciliation could be possible. We are talking about real change. Not that this person was caught in a lie once again and immediately offers up an apology, just like last time.
Repentance has not happened as long as the individual is continuing to blame others for his or her actions. “Well you see, I hurt those people because my wife is such an awful person.”
Nope. Not an apology…not repentance.
Pray for reconciliation. Hope for repentance.
In the meantime, be on guard.
No matter who the person is, sometimes it is okay to just hang up.
