Holding Onto Faith During Suffering
Declare what you know to be true, even if you can’t trust it.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Unless, of course, things don’t make any sense. Then do it yourself instead.” — Proverbs 3:5–6 (Bobby’s International Version)
If the coronavirus has shown me anything, I don’t trust God. When shit hits the fan, I respond as my cats do to loud noises. I puff up and run as fast as I can. My survival is in my own hands.
As quarantining began over a couple of months ago, I contracted a “stomach bug.” Wrecking my digestive system and causing cramps I’ve never felt, I had no idea what was going on. A telephonic appointment with my doctor only confirmed that something was wrong but gave me no answers on what to do. I could have gastro-covid. It could be an ulcer, gall bladder issues, or just a stomach bug. Content to not have me tested, my doctor has left me in limbo wondering if 60 days of Prilosec would solve the issue.
During this time, all of the spiritual habits that I’ve diligently started within the last year are gone. No more do I wake up and pray or spend my afternoons in spiritual mindfulness. Only in moments of panic do I ask God for help. With an hour of my day back in my own hands, how do I spend this time? I fret. I stress. I worry about anything and everything that will go wrong.
I don’t trust God.
Where Is God When Life Sucks?
Discouraged in my lack of faith, I wonder where God is as I suffer and worry.
Throughout scripture God’s response to tragedy and suffering is confusing. At points, he is content to sit by and watch. As Job begs for an audience with God, He remains silent. Jesus on the cross asks “Why have you forsaken me?” Where is God when his people suffer?
At other times, we see Him work miracles. Frustrated by the Egyptians enslavement of the Jews, God unleashed waves of miracles to set his captives free. When all hope had faded after Lazarus had died, in response to Mary’s faith, Jesus raised him back to life.
God has the power to save and yet suffering still exists.
The Apostle Paul confuses the picture more about God and suffering when he writes: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 — NIV). Yet later, Paul after 2 years of imprisonment, is decapitated due to his faith.
Clearly, the God that I follow has a different definition of “works for the good.” Many will point to a more eternal focus of “good” when referencing this scripture. I struggle to escape a more immediate perspective.
This Biblical promise, however, does little to instill faith that I’m safe. Instead, of trusting, I dwell and writhe in my anxieties. Trying to isolate and self-protect I lose focus on God and others. I’ve become selfish and faithless. Having no grasp of the big picture, I focus on the short-term. In response to my change in focus, my anxieties spiral and grow bigger and bigger each day. Now I don’t just focus on my immediate health but I focus on my job stability, my economic safety, and holding onto the possessions that I have.
My lack of faith is making my life worse, not better. Thoughts of the pandemic are ruling in the void that I’ve created.
Declaring the Truth about God
So how do I trust a God who has the power to change the circumstances but rarely does?
I relate to the authors of Psalms. How often is the absence of God noted? “O Lord, why do you stand so far away? Why do you hide when I am in trouble?” — Psalm 10:1. In Psalm 13, David asks: “O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?
The authors of Psalms normalize the daily doubt I feel. They ask the questions that I ask. When I feel like a terrible Christian for questioning God, they say “You aren’t alone.” It’s in Psalms that I know it’s okay to doubt, question, and lament God’s noted absence. If it wasn’t okay to doubt, God wouldn’t have allowed these Psalms into scripture.
However, the Psalms don’t end in doubt. Instead, they end in a declaration of God’s character. Even in Psalms 22 which Jesus references when he asks “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” ends declaring God’s victory. Where it starts with God’s abandonment, later the psalmist writes: “All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel! For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.”
Christian Psychiatrist Curt Thompson writes:
“It is unlikely that Jesus, who would have known the entire psalm, would remember only a single verse, and one that speaks of abject suffering in the face of God’s abandonment…It seems more likely that he would focus on the beginning of a psalm that, when taken in its entirety, speaks ultimately not of God’s abandonment but rather his victory and vindication for the one who trusts him.”
Psalms end in a declaration of who God is because the feelings of doubt, fear, and anxiety can’t be trusted to define God’s character. With our non-eternal perspective, emotions can deceive us into believing false narratives about God. Although our fears and doubts are normal, they aren’t facts about who God is.
Psalmists write what they know of God as an answer to their doubts. They remind themselves of the facts. God is faithful, even if we don’t understand it. God is present, even if we don’t see Him. God loves, even as tragedy strikes. God cares, even when all we see is suffering. Ultimately God wins.
Understanding That There’s More to the Suffering
“Faith, I’ve concluded, means believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse.” — Philip Yancey
Although God’s definition of “good” seems backward to me, I try to trust that there is more to my story than my immediate future.
In the face of Job’s suffering, God responds to the question of “Why am I suffering?” by stating: you don’t understand and can’t understand. As Philip Yancey states, God, answering this question would be like “trying to explain Einstein to a littleneck clam.” My short term focus can’t grasp the eternal picture. I only see in part. We only see in part.
Job asked the question “Why?” Yet, I doubt he would’ve understood that millions of people would later find comfort in his story. How many Christians and Jews have read this story and felt their faith affirmed? How many felt emotional release when they realized that their sorrow was okay? Although I wouldn’t have wished the tragedy on Job, I’m comforted by his story and his faith.
And yet, even now, the story of Job is not over. Many more will continue to find comfort in tragedy due to his faith. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known” (1 Corinthians 13:12). We won’t fully understand our own stories until we reach eternity and the earth in its current form ceases to exist.
Where my emotions cause me to look to my immediate safety, Job and the Psalmists remind me of two things: God is with me and my suffering has eternal implications. As I continue to struggle with my undiagnosed stomach issues, I pray for their faith. I pray for the strength to not listen to my emotions but to remember the facts of God.
Take Away
1) Psalms show us that it is normal to doubt — we are not alone
2) When swept in doubts, declare what you know to be true about God regardless of your emotions
3) Take comfort that your story has a much larger impact on eternity than you currently can see.
