How To Deal with Backhanded Compliments, Negging, and Other Verbal Vindictiveness
#1 — Knowledge is power, especially for women
Last summer, I was out with a guy I’ve known for a while. He’s smart, savvy, and super successful — he suffers no lack of self-esteem, but he’s not arrogant either. We had spent enough evenings sipping Pinot, ordering dinner, and bantering to get past that awkward “Let’s get to know each other” phase. I felt comfortable with him. More importantly, I felt safe — something that’s not always easy for a woman to feel in the wacky world of modern dating.
We found a cozy spot at the bistro. A bottle of wine appeared, and a cheese plate. We had a few sips of wine. We chatted about this and that: kids, work, small towns. He said something funny, and I laughed. Loudly. I was having fun. And then he said:
“I enjoy you. You’re a sophisticated lady…but you have a very strong personality.”
Huh? Immediately, I felt myself shrink back into my body. I felt off-balance. Self-conscious. I took a gulp of wine to restore my equilibrium.
Successful Man switched the subject, but his comment stayed with me. It niggled at the back of my brain all night. I woke with it the next morning, long after I’d wished him good-bye.
