Joy as a Form of Resistance
We don’t have to suffer to take a stand.
In our efforts to avoid yielding to unfair or undesirable treatment and circumstances, we often resort to combativeness. We refuse to engage people, places and things that may actually be enjoyable in order to prove a point. We’re adamant about showing our disdain. The irony is, we often end up hurting no one but ourselves. There is nothing that those who seek to do us harm and hurt our feelings would love more than to see us upset.
We tend to think of resistance as impassioned, loud and angry. We stomp around, blazing mad. We’re rude to an ex that left or didn’t treat us well when we see them. If they’re out with someone new, we allow it to ruin our day. Next thing we know, we’re crafting nasty, spiteful messages — Even if just in our heads.
In The Real Reason You Can’t Stop Hating Your Ex, Dr. Harriet Lerner sums it up like this:
When we’re first betrayed by someone we relied on to love and protect us, we may be frightened by our own rage. Years or even decades later, we may be frightened of letting go of that anger. We may resist moving forward because we are not yet ready to detach from…
