Sarah Nderi
May 23 · 4 min read

A while back I was caught up in a short depressive state where I questioned everything I know about my faith and my beliefs.

The questions went like this;

Why would a perfect God create imperfect beings instead of perfect beings who offer perfect worship?

Does one really have to suffer to get to the next level? There are people that grow in the midst of suffering but does He know some fall apart? When he says that the testing of your faith produces endurance and grows your faith; why do we have to suffer to be complete?

If we are not of the world, why did He place us in the world?

I know that after the rapture, there will be judgment and questions based on how I lived my life; but will he answer my questions? When I find myself in his presence, will everything make sense?

Photo by Robert Metz on Unsplash

Taking it Out On God’s Servants When In a Spiritual Crisis

They speak to God. They should know. There have been times I have asked some of my leaders' very deep questions and very heavy questions. Their answers did not help, because they referred to the very verses I felt were a mockery of my current predicament.

All these questions and more were directed to a man of God.

Some of us take it out on our spiritual leaders based on how our previous spiritual leaders treated us. Our pastors are now suffering the sins of previous pastors/leaders that maltreated us and now as we moved to another county or state, we will never serve again.

Or sing in the choir.

Or be ushers.

Or teach the Sunday School children.

We let one or several bad church ordeal define our praise, our interaction with the body of Christ and ultimately the level at which God will speak to us, and how we fulfill our mandate in life.

You cannot talk about Samuel without mentioning Eli, or David without Samuel, or Elisha without Elijah, or David without Nathan, or Ruth without Naomi, or Jesus without mentioning John The Baptist. Every great person in the scriptures had a person shepherding them. You need a mentor to go to the next level. Even spiritually, you need Christ conscious leaders.

Men return again and again to the few who have mastered the spiritual secret, whose life has been hid with Christ in God. These are of the old-time religion, hung to the nails of the cross. ~ Robert Murray McCheyne

Our Questions Make Sense

Whether due to unbelief, or a spiritual want, I believe our questions make sense. I believe he wants to answer them. They reveal the need in our hearts to know more of Him and His purpose. Some might be far left, far from perfect and a show of weakness, but there is a reason why He created imperfect Human beings.

Does He always stir up trouble in our lives so we can move higher? Maybe. Maybe not. Some of us have been blessed with steadiness and stability of mind, heart, and soul such that we hear him at first call. Some of us are like Samuel, we don’t know if it’s Him, so we go the familiar. Some of us can hear but we are counting the costs. For the rest of us, it seems, God’s order has to work up a crisis in our lives for us to obey. To see Him.

The big question is why don't we obey at the first beckon? Follow him?

It’s because we are yet to abandon. We are still considering some blessings, some possessions, and what about family?

There are some spiritual principles we are yet to fathom, or fathom but yet to adhere to. Sometimes we know these principles, but we take them as a matter of facts. It may be we know Him as a father, all too familiar but it has not been ingrained in us the reverential fear of God. His sovereignty. Or God forbid, His wrath.


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Sarah Nderi

Written by

Kenyan. BSc Economics and Statistics. Writer, Published by MumsVillage Kenya. Blogger at WP, Exploring Medium. Find me at


Discover tomorrow’s bestsellers today. You'll say you knew them when.

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