My F***it List: The Things I Plan Not to Do
My kids were watching Veggie Tales one day and apparently one of the characters had a bucket list. My son asked what this was. I explained that it’s a list of things you want to do, usually before you die but also before the end of some specific period of time. (I actually hate this term, especially since we now overuse this and apply it to anything. Something about the phrase My Kid’s Summer Bucket List, just doesn’t sit right with me.)
Being the kind of kid he is, he screwed up his face in thoughtfulness and said
“I need a list of things I’m NOT going to do. I know, I’ll call it my F***it list!”
I feel the need to clarify right here that my son has never heard that word in his life, to my knowledge. He likes to create rhyming words constantly by changing the opening consonant of the work. Pretty sure he started at B for Bucket and went from there. F was only a few letters away.
That being said, it took everything I had not to laugh out loud when he said that, as I calmly reminded him that we don’t make up words or use words we don’t know the meaning of.
But then I realized he had a really good point. I really do need a F***it list.
I’m a list person by nature. But sometimes the never-ending nature of the to-do lists makes me feel like I’m drowning. I feel as though I’ll never get anything done because the pile awaiting me is so enormous. So I thought I should start a Not To Do list. (Just to keep it a bit cleaner and family friendly).
I Plan Not To . . .
Let my current struggles determine my long term direction
I’m prone to catastrophizing. When I’m having a particularly bad day, week or month it feels as though it will always be that way. But it won’t. The problems I’m facing today will not be the same ones I’m facing a year from now. (OK, maybe some of them will be, but they will look different.) I’m quick to try to make decisions based on a hypothetical, and pessimistic view of the future, often influenced by hormones and stress. Whenever possible, I will refuse to do that.
Compare my Writing Goals and Achievements to Others
You know that corny saying, “you do you.” It’s actually true. I often become discouraged because I see other writers, bloggers or homeschool parents and they seem to be achieving so much. I see women running ministries, and developing a following and wonder how they do it all. The answer is, they don’t. No one does.
I’ve made choices in my life, ones that I still believe are the best ones for our family at this time. But they do limit me. Having a third child almost four years ago meant that instead of having two almost independent kids, I started the cycle all over again. While many of my friends are waving their big kids off on the school bus and heading off to work, I am talking a preschooler (who doesn’t actually go to preschool, mind you) through dressing himself, breaking up breakfast table fights and supervising morning chores before our school day begins. I’m doling out morning snacks and doing loads of laundry between teaching subjects.
Even someone with similar writing or blogging dreams as me will have different options in making that happen. So I’ll do me. I’ll parent these kids, be married to this man and write the words that swirl in my head and no one else’s.
Give Up!
There are days, especially lately when this whole parenting, marriage and writing life feels like too much work. The world feels too big and too loud and I just want to shut it all out for a while. But I refuse to give up.
Not unlike my To Do List, I know I won’t be perfect at this. There will definitely be times when I fall into old patterns of doing things I know I shouldn’t. But there is also freedom in letting go and not doing things.
