The Youngest is Healing Our Family
Born six months ago, is an angel sent me a higher power.
The second little lady came into this world almost six months ago now. She is a bright, cheerful little thing who finds everything funny, especially her big sister. It is obvious even now that the younger of the girls is very neurotypical. The eldest having been diagnosed on the autistic spectrum two days after she was born.
I love both my girls and if I had a magic wand I wouldn’t wave it and change anything about either of them. I might wave it and grant us more money, but that is another story. There are parts of me though, that the second child has made us complete.
Some things amaze me about both girls. The eldest has autism, possibly ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), and is non-verbal. I did worry that my second would lack attention, whilst we deal with the difficulties my eldest has. This couldn’t be further from the truth. At only 6-months she has established herself in the pecking order. She does it with charm and giggles.
Having a second child has changed our lives completely and not from the normal parenting aspects.
The children speak, I am convinced of it. Many times I have caught them making baby noises to each other. We can’t understand it, but it is clear they understand each other. For the first time, my little girl has someone to talk to without the pressure of having to speak our way. They could for all I know be planning where to bury our bodies. I don’t care my eldest is communicating.
I can only hope that as my youngest starts to form words she will still know the baby language. We may have provided a translator for my eldest without realising it. The other possibility is that as my youngest learns to speak, my eldest will learn with her. Last week the youngest said mum, I was sure about it. As all parents do we made a fuss of her, wow her first word, already. Ten minutes later my eldest walked up to me in a clear voice and said, mum. Almost as if she had to prove to us she could do it, she chooses not to.
The first word in a parent’s life is so precious. It is even more precious when you have waited almost three years for it.
ARFID for those that don’t know means my eldest only eats a handful of foods. These are what we call safe foods. Food that they will except. This is not your usual fussy child, this is a child who is physically ill if you try to feed them anything else. Some children live on as little as 250 calories a day. In extreme cases, they have to be tube-fed. It is often not about the taste of the food, but the texture and sensory process of eating.
We luckily are nowhere near the tube feeding stage, but food is a major problem for my eldest. Isolation has made this problem difficult to navigate. We haven’t had the choice we normally have. I did spend £30 on a box of whatsits when we got desperate to make sure she ate. She eats a couple of toddler trays, quavers, and whatsits, or she did.
Last week she walked up to my partner and took her to the fridge. Once the door was open she pointed to a yoghurt. She took it off and sat down to eat it. As if this happens every day. As a parent, you want to dance around the room with banners and streamers when your child eats a new food. Instead, you sit in the kitchen trying to make no fuss at all, in case you put them off.
So now we have six safe foods, can I wish that we made double figures soon? Today, was the day that little one was introduced to toast, for the first time. She loved it, most of it went around her face, but who cares. As an experiment whilst we were feeding little one, my eldest came up and we handed her a piece of toast. Her normal reaction is to look at it as if it is a bomb and then throw it on the floor for a grateful Labrador. Yes both my dogs are overweight. Today was different, she took the toast climbed up on the sofa and ate it. It is hard to explain the joy this causes as a parent.
Things are changing in our house and my angel of a youngest has brought the magic with her.
It isn’t just my eldest she has starting healing, but us as parents as well. Parenting is an occupation filled with guilt. Although the rational part of my brain says there is nothing we could have done differently for our eldest. You always think could you have done more. Does she not eat because we didn’t ween her properly? Would she be more social if we socialised her more? Did we not speak to her enough? Is that why she is non-verbal.
People we know said this on one occasion. That we could have taken our eldest out more and she would be more social.
With our youngest, we are doing everything the same and she is responding. She eats everything we give her. We are using the same techniques as we did with her big sister, and as a neurotypical child, she is responding.
The guilt is going and a deep part of me thinks we are proving to everyone we are good parents.
I have two wonderful daughters who I wouldn’t change for the world. My eldest will forge a path for herself with us beside her. We will help her interpret this strange world. My youngest will also forge a path for herself with us beside her. She will also help her sister through the world. Best friends beside each other, supporting each other to be the best versions of themselves.
Related Posts
Thank you for reading, to receive updates on my writing, and generally keep in touch, join my Email List or find me on Facebook and Twitter.
