Not What I Wanted — What I Needed
It wasn’t what I wanted to hear. An x-ray and ultrasound confirmed there were two large fibroid tumors in my uterus. At least I had an answer. No wonder I always felt full whether I ate or didn’t. It only made sense to do a little research of my own, while I waited for the doctor to call me with my options.
All things pointed to the dreaded ‘H’-word: hysterectomy. As I scanned articles and procedures, I put in my request — “Lord, let this surgery be something that can be done laparoscopically.” A two-week recovery time was so much more appealing than an eight-week stint. Besides, with a busy schedule, I couldn’t imagine having to take it easy for two full months.
The options
The phone call came. My options? Not what I wanted to hear. I could leave the fibroids alone and have them monitored — not super appealing since they were creating discomfort already. I could have a myomectomy which would remove the tumors, leaving my uterus intact — but there was no guarantee that I wouldn’t develop more fibroids. Or I could have a hysterectomy which would remove both tumors and uterus — eliminating the issue.
I heard the door close on my previous prayer request when the nurse said: either ‘-ectomy’ choice would require an abdominal incision because the tumors were too large to remove any other way. Definitely not what I wanted to hear.
But God was at work. Reminding me that I’m not the one in control — He is. As I mentally prepared for the surgery ahead, I had a choice to make: give in to fear, or trust God.
Fear or trust?
The ‘what-ifs’ swirled around in my head. I had heard countless stories of friends and friends of friends enduring painful procedures, nicked bladders, infections, and crazy reactions to pain medications. What if I had a similar experience? What if something went wrong?
But words penned by David, the sweet Psalmist of Israel, gave me every reason to trust:
Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10; KJV
Focusing on God and who He is gave me comfort. Reading His Word wove a beautiful tapestry that showed me the qualities of my Heavenly Father. Characteristics that will never change. He is my:
*refuge (Psalm 46:1)
*strength (Psalm 46:1)
*very present help (Psalm 46:1)
*shelter (Psalm 61:3)
*strong tower (Psalm 61:3)
He’s in control
Each of these graphic nouns pointed to safety. In spite of the unknowns, my security was tied to Christ. No matter the outcome of my surgery, I could trust that God’s plan would be accomplished:
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son. . . Romans 8:28–29; KJV
Familiar verses. I wanted to be assured that everything would turn out great in my situation. But I needed to be careful to look at these verses through a God-filter. My comfort and happiness aren’t as important as my Christ-likeness. Sometimes the messes in my life and things I’d label as ‘bad’, are the very things the Lord uses to make me more like Him.
Having major surgery with the possibility of any number of things going wrong, wasn’t something I would have chosen for myself. But I could embrace it knowing the Lord was in control. That His plans were good.
Every experience He allows me to walk through has been filtered through His hand and is God-approved to conform me to the image of Christ. So by God’s grace, I’m choosing trust over fear today.
Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah. Psalm 62:8; KJV
Your turn
What are you facing today? What step will you take to trust God instead of giving in to fear?
Can I pray for you?
Heavenly Father, thank You for everything You allow in my life. Although it’s difficult to say, I know it’s going through the trials more than experiencing the blessings that makes me more like You. Help me trust You more. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
