3 Ways My Anxiety Makes Me a Better Parent
And, one way that it doesn’t…
I’ve struggled with anxiety and panic disorder for many years now. Early in my years as a mother, I was fairly carefree and healthy — both mentally and physically. I felt like I was on fire as a parent.
When my anxiety ninja attacked, I wondered how it would affect how I raised my kids. I was afraid that it would make me less than they deserved. After years of doubt, I realized that much like every other event in life, struggles with your mental health can have both positive and negative effects.
As surprised as I was, I learned one important lesson: My anxiety has made me a better parent, and my kids are better for it.
#1: My anxiety makes me a more hands-on parent.
Whether it’s fear that I’ll miss out on experiences or the reality that I actually do because of panic attacks, I’ve found that I am extremely focused on connecting with my kids — especially my toddler.
My anxiety whispers the lie that I won’t be around as she grows. It causes me to worry what I want her to remember should I not be around on her wedding day or the day she becomes a mother. My rational mind reacts by packing in as many experiences and traditions as I can while she’s growing up. The benefit for her is that we spend a lot of time doing things together. It is intentional and focused rather than just taking up the same space at the same time.
We connect. And it’s amazing (and fun!) I’ve found that my mind has shifted from the worry that I will be gone to the focus of quality experiences with her. Funny enough, the anxiety led to a shift in perspective that ended up reducing my anxiety.
Anxiety inception.
#2: It leads me to think ahead and plan.
By nature, I’m a procrastinator. I am spontaneous and have a tendency toward a change in plans. I go with the flow — and the weather, or my feeling, or whatever cool idea I saw on Facebook or Pinterest that day. I don’t like sticking to a schedule. I want to experience life in a free-spirit fashion.
But that was before I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.
Now, my reality is that my anxious brain is always bombarding me with cruel what-ifs and maybes that cause me to channel my inner planner. I think through scenarios and carry twice the clothing we need on trips.
And it’s awesome! My kids are rarely without something that they need. I may have mismatching outfits, but I always have a spare change of clothing for my toddler. I have extra toys, snacks, and rain-check plans in abundance. My anxiety makes me a better planner. And, the plan helps reduce my anxiety.
#3: My experience with anxiety helps me comfort my children.
When I was growing up, it didn’t seem that we talked about anxiety much. My doctors looked for causes with a root in traditional medicine, but one it was determined that it didn’t have one I was on my own.
My mother was awesome at helping me cope the best way we knew how. (Hi Mom!) But she just didn’t have the resources that are available to parents today.
In the course of my life, I managed to produce two very empathetic, very anxious daughters. Making anxious babies is my superpower. With that, comes the responsibility of helping these kids learn to live with the anxiety that follows them.
Because I have dealt with both appropriate and unhealthy levels of anxiety, I can recognize the look of fear as it crawls across my daughter’s face or croaks it in her voice as she calls my cell phone just to say hello. I see it in my toddler when the crowd becomes a little too large or a scary noise comes expectedly from the kitchen.
I may not be able to remove the anxiety from their lives, but because I have lived with it for all of mine, I am able to walk alongside them to show them how to cope. My experiences can help guide them through theirs.
These things are all helpful, but there is a downside to parenting with anxiety.
My anxiety can also make me miss out on memories.
More than once I’ve had to tell my kids that I couldn’t go somewhere with them because I couldn’t handle the crowds or location. I’ve stayed home because my breathing was labored from anxiety or my heart wouldn’t stop having palpitations caused by the adrenaline rush I got just thinking about stepping out of the house.
It’s happened more than once, and I’m sure it will happen again.
I don’t travel as much as I would love to because I just can’t. The anxiety that comes with it makes me evaluate what is truly worth the panic attacks and what isn’t. And if I don’t go, they don’t go. My anxiety causes them to miss out.
When these moments strike, I try to remind myself that it will pass. Some days I’m more successful at living with my mental and physical health challenges. Others, they have more control over me.
But I always remember that I am doing my best, no matter what kind of day it is. And that is what truly makes me a good parent.
Need some resources to help you?
If you are parenting with anxiety, check out these resources for ideas and support.
- Don’t Panic: Advice for Moms with Anxiety Disorders
- The Inner Monologue of a Mom with Anxiety
- Parenting When You Have Anxiety Can Be Terrifying — But It Can Also Be a Positive Thing
What has your anxiety or depression taught you about being a parent? Let’s chat in the comments. We can support each other here and through social media.
Your experience may be the advice that another parent needs to hear today!
Stephanie Pitcher Fishman is a writer, blogger, and mom living with chronic illness, a mid-life baby, and a coffee addiction. She writes about fake people (fiction), dead people (family history and genealogy), and sick people (herself included.) Read more at writerbloggermom.com, and don’t forget to say hi on Twitter.
