The Gift You Can Give Yourself
Advice for starting a New Year with self-love
In the hazy days after Christmas, somewhere between relief and despair, I find myself wondering about what comes next.
The year has wound down, dwindled to a day or two before the calendar resets and the world is once again awash with newness; new hopes, fresh starts, renewed vigour to chase one’s dreams and achieve the goals that we have set (often many times before). The whole world compels us. Our social feeds hot with anticipation of the year to come and enthusiastic declarations are made of any and all of the above.
Secretly I’m still catching my breath after my most intense working period of the year, combined with a new business launch, present purchasing, organising, wrapping, delivering, family visits and all of the logistics, planning and preparation of Christmas with three small children.
The presents are opened and the feast has been had.
And right now I need to be focused on the year ahead; there are changes, goals, and dreams that all need to come to life, I have two businesses and a family to nurture and care for, but I need to check in with me first. It’s time to find a brief space in the madness, and ask myself what I need.
What is the gift I can give myself in 2019?
This year I am choosing grace and a plan. And true to universal law, it has to be both to keep me balanced.
I could set a million resolutions only to break them or give up after a month or so.
I can tell myself this year will be different.
I can change my hair again, buy a new outfit, a new planner.
But really, I know myself better than that and I know that in order to achieve even half of my hopes, I need to start in one place.
Self-love
I’m gifting myself with the time to create a plan — many plans even — to help me to be more clear and organised in multiple aspects of my life, but also with the grace to acknowledge that life happens and likely not every day will go to plan.
Because I have learned that the pursuit of perfection will only breed a sense of self-contempt and disappointment when we achieve anything less than that perfect standard.
Because my body does not need to be punished, but listened to and understood, and both the plan and the grace within that is learning that what I need and what works for me may be different to anyone else I know and may well take time to know; we are all different, we all have different needs and life makes different demands of us.
Because if I take a step back a look at all I have learned in the past few years, I realise that I have everything I need to start with a better today, and I know that each day after will take me closer to everything I am working towards. I can dispel any frustration with the wisdom that all will come in time, as long as I take a small step each day. And even if I don’t, fresh starts can always come with the rise of the sun.
Grace
A plan without it is exactly as it sounds.
When we are so rigid in our plans, ideals, expectations or end goal and we leave no room for grace, we leave no room for possibility, synchronicity or the unexpected. And more often than not it is the moments that we don’t expect which bring us to exactly where we need to be.
The chance meeting with a stranger who tells you a story which changes your perspective.
The new business which opens and offers you a fantastic opportunity to work with them.
The unexpected wins and the losses, trips and cancelled plans. You never know what the year has in store, but it will always place you exactly where you need to be to grow.
Trusting that whatever happens, you will keep moving forward, that is grace.
It doesn’t need to be brutal resilience or harden you against the world. These two paths may at times be separated by very little and the unexpected may have led you far away from your plan, but you always have the choice about the way you view things, and what you decide to do next.
In mind and spirit, you are infinitely adaptable.
So find the calm amidst the chaos
Sit with your thoughts for a while, journal, mind-map, meditate or visualise on what you really need to keep moving forward this year.
Be real with yourself, kindly, about what didn’t work for you in 2018 so you can learn from it and let it go.
Ask yourself, what is the one gift that you can give yourself for the year ahead?
Maybe it’s to allow yourself to dream, or explore a different interest?
Maybe it’s a new habit, or asking for help?
Maybe it’s just being really honest with yourself, and no, I know that isn’t easy.
But if you are willing to look within and listen to what you really need, you might be surprised at how one small change or act of self-love can impact the rest of your life.
Here’s to 2019, I personally cannot wait to see what it has in store, and I wish you all a grace-filled start to the New Year.
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