The plight of a single mother

Photo by Gokil

“Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.” - Betsy Jacobson

She sat in despair chin in hand
Waiting in silence, seeking comfort
She was alone and motionless for how could she move.
Here was a woman who was high spirited at a low point in her life.
She had gotten to a point the mystics call "the dark night of the soul"
But this wasn’t a spiritual phenomenon and the dark night wasn’t a dryness of the soul
She sought-after answers to the questions plaguing her but even spiritual solace she could not achieve.
Meditation wasn’t an option for she was in no mood. She could mouth no prayers for she couldn’t find the words. Inner peace was far from her.
She had been clouded by an air of depression and frustration
A dark cloud hovered around her beclouding her thoughts.
She could think straight no more.
The motivator was now the downcasted
The woman who always smiled now saw no reason to smile
For life wasn’t fair to her or so she thought
A cloud of uncertainty and confusion assailed her
She couldn’t see clearly anymore
Her vision had been obscured by the travails of life
She had placed much effort in her career only to see it amount to nothing
She had struggled through school to get a degree
She managed to get a job; aiming at some form of financial freedom but the odds didn’t seem to be in her favour.
She always had to do more than the others to prove she was worth it.
Her salary could barely sustain her and before the month ends the money was already spent.
She had no savings for how could she with responsibilities on every side.
She had big plans to start up her own business but how could she when she barely had the funds.
No bank would grant a loan to her for she had nothing to offer and had no connection that mattered so she worked harder.
She got a side hustle as a proofreader online.
She did virtually anything that’d guarantee she’d make the extra cash
She was a single mother with a son to cater for
Her son grew without her as she tried to survive
She spent alot of time at the office and was almost always tired when she got home
She obtained more professional certifications and got the promotions she’d been working towards.
She had the extra pay and could afford almost anything she wanted.
She moved to a better accommodation, her own personal paradise.
What no one knew was that she was unhappy within?
She envied those "living the dream" of a happy family
She had no one but her son to look out for. No one to love her the way she wanted.
She sought solace in online shopping.
She hid her pain in work. Her work was her lover and companion.
She was in despair and had lost faith in herself ever been loved the way she wanted.
She struggled with parenting her kid. She didn’t know how to be a parent other than to provide for him.
Her son wanted her company and was angry that she wasn’t around for him.
She wished he could understand that all she did was for them to get a better life but all he wanted was the company of his mother.
A lovely morning turned gloomy for her when she got a call.
Her son had been involved in an altercation with a notorious street gang.
Son hospitalized and mother in distress.
She existed in her work while her son existed in the bottle and street gangs.
He sought solace among friends and was heavily influenced negatively
For when the mother couldn’t be there, he had kept himself busy
Busy been what his friends wanted him to be
For anyone can be influenced under the right conditions
She was weary, so weary in fact that she thought she was having a heart attack
She was admitted and her bed was right next to her son’s.
It was then she found out she came down with takotsubo cardiomyopathy better known as broken-heart syndrome
She had also been sleep deprived and depressed
She blamed herself for everything
She wished she gave more time to her son and attention to herself
For if she had died who would look after her son. No amount of money could replace a mother.
She had made her work her life at the detriment of her health and family
Often prone to depression, she fell into despair and continued in despair not recognising the enemy within.
The greatest enemy is that which we create
For he who is defeated within is defeated without
As she lay on the hospital bed close to her son, it helped put things into perspective for her.
She had to stop this rat race
This constant pursuit of happiness by the acquisition of more money and endless shopping

She was lonely in her head for loneliness is but a state of mind
She needed to spend more time with her family and focus on what’s really important.
For a legacy left for our children is one they’d never forget but a legacy left at the office is easily forgotten
She survived the hardships and so did her son.

Together they made it out- all she had to do was be there for him and allow him be there for her.
The only control we have is individualistic and personal
We can only control ourselves. We get to choose what to believe. We get to choose what to make a priority. We get to learn when to fight and when to stop fighting.
Life is really simple and simply complicated but we can make the ride a little less bumpy by making the really hard choices.