The Road to a Well-Nourished Life — Hitting the Pothole of Not Good Enough
This is second in a series of posts, documenting my journey from depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts to my current state of wholeness and wellness today. It is written for you, the reader, who believes God is still there, yet is stumbling in the dark, wondering where the path is to light, joy and that well-nourished life.
When you make a change in life intentionally, you presume it is for the better, right?
The Road to a Well-Nourished Life, I thought, would get smoother, if I made a geographic change. You know, leave the “terrible, no good, very bad,” job behind and move to the wonderful, terrific job that would solve all my problems, right?
Sometimes, a geographic change can be helpful. My husband and I moved from the city to the quiet countryside before the housing crash in 2008.
We had lived on the east side of the city for 27 years and the older I got, the louder the interstate road traffic got.
The quiet, oak grove, country subdivision we found was very much a part of the Road to a Well-Nourished Life. Quiet and nature are healing balm for the soul and the brain.
However, a geographic move in a job situation may or may not be the answer for you, because you are taking all of your thoughts, baggage and mindsets with you. What really changed when you switched jobs?
For me, I hadn’t dealt with the underlying angst I encountered from the previous work. I still blamed everyone else for that situation and hadn’t taken ownership.
So after working for the state, temporarily for a while, I applied to get a permanent position as an educational consultant. However,
I was told, “You don’t have enough depth in your thinking. I don’t think you’re good enough for this position.”
Wow, talk about soul-crushing. Not only had I fallen off my white horse in my last job, now I was no longer perfect! How do you answer someone who tells you, your thinking is not good enough?
That comment swallowed up my ego and I got lost in a huge pothole of despair and slimy pity pit for quite a while. Not a fun place to be!
Of course, I put on a cheerful face, because I’m such a people-pleaser. But inside I was dying. I had no idea how to change my thinking!?!
Now what? I had already made one geographic move. What was I to do next?
From this part of my journey, as I reflect back, I realize:
I am more of a big picture thinker than a detail person. — My state position required details. I wasn’t in the right position.
Her assessment of my thinking and not being “good enough” did not mean I was stupid — although it took a long time to move past those voices in my head. Her perception and my perceptions were just totally different.
That particular position trained me in the knowledge base I needed for the next position I got. I was much more suited in the field- facilitation and working face to face with people- instead of at the state level.
How about you? Have you faced jobs where bosses or co-workers have commented on your performance not being “good enough” that continue to follow you to this day?
How can you go back and reflect what you learned in that situation and determine what was really truth and what advantages came from that “ not good enough” pothole journey?
If this part of my story is helpful to you or encouraging, clap please. I would love to know your story, too.
Next post…. The Road to the Well-Nourished Life — Another Turn in the Road
Contact me if you would like to walk this journey to a well-nourished life together.