The You That Is Also You
Embracing the dichotomies of self
How often do you hide the real you?
The things you love, in secret, perhaps?
The you that retires in safety just below the epidermis and only surfacing when it feels safe.
The right company. The right crowd.
This contrasting self muddles through life’s situations with you, like a nervous child always at your heel, because in truth, this most real aspect of you — the things you love and all the fibers which make up your innermost self — is the part which makes you feel the most vulnerable.
Skipping time
Can you imagine a life where all yous inside you were allowed to coexist?
Where you could free yourself from this dualistic expectation of reality, whereby to feel and be socially accepted you didn't need to present as the abbreviated version of yourself and quieten your quirks, hobbies, and passions to fit the human-shaped box?
Because I believe your magic is in that most real version of you, where all your cosmic particles of awesomeness align and you show the world what you’re made of, and exactly what your magic can gift to the world. What no one else could ever be.
It gives the world you…
And THAT you can be utterly un-imitable.
I write this to myself as much as anyone else today, because I felt I needed the reminder.
Because when you create in a world full of creators, it can be really easy to slip into a track that isn’t yours and subtly drift away for your core.
We are taught to brand, label and define ourselves as individuals and businesses, and follow the gurus to flow with the trends. But where does that path lead? Is it the inevitable moment when you realise you’re stepping away from that rare quintessence of your own authenticity?
Fuck knows. If I’m honest, that path probably takes us all somewhere different.
But sometimes I feel this very real pressure to censor my ideas or refrain from posting (or worse, even writing) a piece because I worry I will confuse people by switching subjects and showing a contrasting part of my self. In a world where consistency is everything, do we just have to pick a single ‘life’ theme and run with it?
Can’t we take all of our weird pieces, accept that they may not make a uniform puzzle like the picture on the box, but instead create a magnificent collage worthy of display on any gallery wall?
Except your life isn’t a ‘piece’ to hang on a wall, but your masterpiece to enjoy in all its vibrant colours and rule-defying form.
The truly embodied, unified self knows it doesn’t matter if you have interests on completely different ends of the scale; if you meditate and listen to death metal, if you are an expert in Sci-Fi or ballroom dance and relax one day by crocheting and the next practising muay thai? Who says you have to limit yourself to interests which fit into a particular type, and hide or repress any urge to diversify?
On the one proviso that you’re not directly harming or seeking to harm anyone else, then why can’t you be who you are, embrace all of your fractal aspects of self and just be the badass, totally unique human that you are?
Some people may not like it, you may actively repel others, but is there anything as bad as either:
A) Pretending to be someone you’re not in an attempt to fit in, and then having to keep up the charade long past the point that you become uncomfortable until you inevitably slip and the whole situation crumbles.
Or
B) Realising someone you have formed a connection with isn’t who they said they were at all, and experiencing the betrayal of not knowing that person authentically, even questioning your own judgement and how you did not realise.
Both scenarios hurt people, both scenarios erode trust and weaken true human connection. But I hear you, embracing your vulnerability does exactly what it says on the tin:
It makes you vulnerable.
But I promise it’s a feeling that decreases as your self-acceptance increases and the two are directly linked.
True friendship and connection shouldn't require conformity to a social norm, and besides, those norms change quicker than our ability to adapt half the time; by the time you’ve caught up, you’re out of touch not just with them, but with your real self too.
Why does it matter, anyway?
20 years ago it probably wouldn’t have mattered as much as it does today because we didn’t live our lives so openly visible to the rest of the world. But now we do, and with that freedom to share came the risk of feeling the need to ‘keep up appearances’. That’s a very British way of unanimously saying, fit-in and show everyone that everything is good, normal and you are fulfilling all of your expected roles.
And while I fully understand that pressure to present yourself well, there has to be some sort of personal Goldilocks zone between fulfilling responsibilities and pursuing a life and experiences which challenge, enrich and fulfill the self.
Your emotional state directly impacts those around you, and as you grow and enrich yourself and embrace all of your different aspects, you find that other people around you are inspired and feel safe enough to seek enrichment in their own lives also.
Because the freedom of a free spirit is contagious
The world is changing, and we too have the potential to change and grow. I see the strict rules of my early careers slowly eroding, as nurses in hospitals tend to patients and the tattoos on their arms are both artful and not concealed. They are no longer limited by their choice in body art, and the world gained a whole load more nurses and very real humans.
Now whilst tattooed professionals may be contentious for other reasons, that kernel of freedom through self-expression remains; should a single choice of self-expression create a singular path for the course of our lives? Should we be limited by our passions, or can we choose to express ourselves through multiple differing aspects and mediums?
And the real question —
Who gets to make the rules that govern and limit our freedom of self-expression?
Call me a rebel but in the spirit of living a fully-embodied and connected life, surely the answer can only be us, as individuals.
If we all felt free enough to embrace our creative potential and passions — music, drama, art, physical movement, spoken and written word, science, astrophysics, any and all of it — we would be far more aligned with our unique gifts and through the expression of them have far more to offer the world and indeed humanity. This self-connection is the key to all human-connection, as to know the self is to know the world, and I can’t help but wonder if the repression of it could be the cause of so much unhappiness.
So, for now, I’ll keep doing my thing and sharing my words, sharing my soundtrack and exploring what makes me tick and holds me back, in the hope that as I do, I may inspire someone else along the way.
This piece is an original work by Anna D. Invernizzi, for more please hit the links below or visit https://writemyuniverse.co.uk or FB/Insta @ writemyuniverse — thank you for reading.
